Coping with Painful Parents

If a parent is narcissistic, critical, and overbearing set limits on how much time you will invest in being around them.

Do not allow yourself to be abused emotionally(verbally). You do not need to be the "punching bag."

You will not be able to change your parent. The only thing that can change is your perception and attitude,however, you can set firm boundaries so you can cope with a critical, insensitive, and narcissistic parent.

It is helpful to understand your parents behavior (unhealthy) were created by their parents potentially and your parents are wounded children as well.

Parents have many positive wonderful traits and it is important to focus on their positive traits. It is not suggested that one cut off from one's parents in totality even if they are miserable.

Children Healthy Choices Healthy Behavior

The goal of teaching children limits and boundaries is essential for a healthy and balanced life.

Helping a child understand rules and limits is important. Understanding consequences for potential choices is vital in learning to make healthy life decisions.

Research supports parenting that sets limits and allows children natural and logical consequences. Children are taught to learn from their mistakes. Parents that explain why rules are in place, parents that use reason, and consider the child's point of view even if they disagree. Parenting that is firm with kindness and unconditional love appears to be the most effective method of parenting.

Building Self Esteem

Children should be valued for their unique gifts: personality, interests, and skills. Children should not be compared to siblings, cousins, peers, etc.

It is important to affirm each child's strengths even if it may appear to be a simple task accomplished.

It is important to love children unconditionally and accept them. It is ok to be unhappy with the child's behavior. Always seperate the negative behavior from the core unconditional love you provide your child.

Providing love and a safe environment that fosters: trust, love, security, and stability for your child is an essential element for a child's healthy development and sense of self.

Create tasks that are manageable so your child can have success and this can create future successes.

Encourage your child to play sports and explore music and understand what teamwork is all about.

Reward positive efforts toward goals even if the goal was not 100 percent accomplished in the manner you expected it to be completed.

Encourage your child. Teach your child to see "his glass half full not half empty".

Use errors as opportunity for growth not an opportunity to criticize.

Focus on your child's strengths.

Suicide children teens

Suicide is the third cause of death for 15-25 year olds. Suicide is the sixth leading cause of death for children 5-14 yrs old.

Depression and suicidal feelings are treatable disorders.

Children Teens Oppositional Defiant

Hostile behaviors and defiance become a concern when the behavior is so frequent that it affects: school, family, and social activities.

Some signs of Oppositional Defiant Disorder in children and teens are:

Temper tantrums daily
Arguments with adults/ parents
Anger, rage, resentment
Angry and hateful communication
Planned attempts to defy and upset
Blaming and no accountability

Parents would benefit from stress management, exercise, meditation, and a healthy diet.

Limits and appropriate consequences are important.

An assessment, evaluation, counseling, and treatment by professionals is important.

Child will not go to school has Seperation Anxiety

Going to school brings fear or panic to many children.

New schools, teachers, peers can all create a tremendous amount of anxiety for children.

The child may be suffering from a paralyzing fear of leaving the safety of family and home.

The good news is these fears can be treated by professional help.

Children Teens and Conduct Disorders

Conduct challenges are a combination of behavioral and emotional challenges in children and teens.

Children and teens with conduct issues have problems following rules and display socially unacceptable behaviors.

Children and teens may display the following behaviors: physical aggression, breaking the law, lying, property destruction, defiance, truancy, and running away from home.

A child or teen should receive a comprehensive assessment as well as counseling and or treatment.

Children's Behavior and Learning Disabilities

Many children have learning challenges.

One out of four children suffer with a learning disability.

Children with learning challenges are likely to: act out at school, be hyperactive, be unable to sit still, become easily frustrated, have a short attention span, and dread school because it is so difficult.

Early signs of learning challenges are: difficulty following instructions, poor recall, struggles with reading, spelling, writing, math. Struggles with identifying right from left. Children have a tendency to reverse letters. Children lack coordination, struggle with holding a pencil, or tying shoes.Children loses and misplaces homework, schoolbooks, etc. Children can not understand today from yesterday or tomorrow.

A comprehensive evaluation is needed and must be addressed at the school via an IEP. Assessment of special needs and services and a support system are essential so your child can overcome learning challenges.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

In most cases, children taken care of by grandparents move in with them as infants or pre-schoolers remain with grandparents for five years or more.

This transition can be stressful for grandparents.

Grandparents often assume their role will be to nurture and reward children without setting limits and boundaries.

Grandparents that serve as parents must learn to set limits and establish control to create healthy desired behaviors.

Children and Grief

A child who is scared to attend a funeral should not be forced to go. It may be helpful to honor and remember the person in some way: prayer, lighting a candle, looking at photos etc.

It is essential that surviving relatives encourage the child to show and express his/ her feelings. Surviving relatives should spend a great deal of time with the child who has experienced the loss.

Avoidance of grief can be emotionally unhealthy and later lead to severe problems.

Children and Depression

Children who have experienced: loss and grief, stress, conduct disorders, learning challenges, social skills challenges, anxiety disorders, are at a higher risk for depression.

Signs of depression for parents are:

Sadness, crying

A big change in sleeping or eating habits.

Poor concentration.

Low self esteem.

Guilt.

Sensitivity to rejection/ failure.

Low energy/ boredum.

Inability to enjoy previously favorite activities. Decreased interest in activities.

Social isolation.

Increased irritability, anger, rage, hostility.

Missing a lot of school.

Thoughts of self destructive behaviors. Thoughts of suicide.

These signs are huge red flags that your child needs help. An evaluation, counseling, assessment, and/or medication are options for parents.

Children Anxiety

Children may show distress when being seperated from their parents or other persons they feel close toward.

Some symptoms for children of seperation anxiety are: refusing to attend school, stomaches, headaches, physical complaints, panic when leaving their comfort zone, trouble sleeping and nightmares.

It is important not to discount a child's fears.

Children TV Agressive Behavior

TV can be a powerful influence in shaping behaviors and value systems.

There is a relationship between violence and exposure to violent TV shows.

Parents can protect their children by being aware of what programs your children are watching. Counseling children about healthy activities vs unhealthy activities is important.

Setting limits to the amount of TV viewing is a huge piece in protecting your children.

Explaining that real violence does not solve problems to your children is important. Pointing out that real violence creates pain and potentially death. Also pointing out in real life violence leads to Prison.

Teaching healthy communication skills without violence is essential.

Kindness transforms angry women.

Speak kind words to the world.

Think kind thoughts about your-self.

Make an effort to reach out and do a kind act on a daily basis.

When you give to others you give to yourself.

Be kind to the universe: animals, the earth, the seas.

Building self-esteem and elevating depressed moods in children.

Is the glass half full? Is the glass half empty. Children learn to program their world through their thoughts.

Your child's perception and thoghts can be positive or negative. Many children start telling themselves irrational thoughts that are distorted in a variety of ways. There negative thoughts are clearly not supported by the facts.

Parents can model healthy positive thoughts. Parents can also help their children examine their negative irrational thoughts.

For example: A child states he is a loser. Children have so many gifts they can not be losers. There must be some positive qualities the child has and that makes him a winner.

Changing his thought to you are a winner and here are three positive things that make you a winner. You are thoughtful, caring, and a great listener.

By doing this with your child you will restructure his thought process and help build his self esteem. This will also elevate his mood if done on a daily basis for at least 60 -90 days.

Parenting and children's Behavior

There are three steps to making change with your children.

Any change by a parent has three essential ingredients: awareness, acceptance, and action.

Parent's behavior affects children's behavior. A parents actions, words, tone of voice, communication, and the quality of time a parent spends are vital to form a healthy relatoionship with a child.

Children need to be praised. Children need to feel like they can speak to their parents without judgment and criticism.

Children want to feel heard and know when a parent places work, money, clothing, social events,
as a priority over caring about their children's feelings and life.

Children want to have a connection with their parents but struggle when the home climate is full of yelling, fighting, and anger.

Children are responsive to love and praise. Children need to feel safe so they can talk to their parents.

A parent must set the example. Consistency and healthy boundaries are essential. Teamwork must be nurtured. There also must be consequences for negative behaviors as well as positive results for positive behaviors.

In conclusion a child's behavior will change if parents are willing to look at their parenting and make some changes.

Coping with Anger Teens and Adults

Here are a few reasons why we continue to stay angry:

Power

Control

Poor communication skills

Poor Habits

Stuffing feelings

Avoiding feelings

Denying feelings

Blaming others

Children and Teens Exercise is Vital

Exercise expands the vascular system in the muscles and tissues and helps prevent hypertension.

It opens the capillaries in the muscle tissue and causes blood pressure and blood sugars to drop to normal.

Exercise builds muscle mass and prevents muscles from being broken down as fuel.

Exercise is needed to assist tryptophan and tyrosine. The brain uses tryptophan to make serotonin, melatonin, tryptamine, and indolamine, all of which are antidepressants and regulate sugar level and blood pressure. Tyrosine is used for the manufacture of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and dopamine-vital for the coordination of body physiology such as fighting, running, playing sports..

Exercise lowers blood sugar in diabetics and decreases their need for insulin.

Exercise makes the liver manufacture sugar from the fat that it stores or that is circulating in the blood.

Exercise strengthens the bones of our body and prevents osteoporosis.

A morning and evening walk will keep enzymes active around the clock and will clear cholesterol deposits in the arteries as well as fat stored in the body.

Exercise will increase production of endorphins and enkephalins, the natural opiates of the body.

Emotions impact on children and adult brain.

Considerable research shows that an individual's emotions and behavior continuously change brain anatomy and physiology.

Stress creates a hypersensitivity in dopamine producing neurons in the brain that continues even after they are removed from the brain.

A great deal of research shows the connection between stress and trauma upon the chemicals/hormones that effect the brain.

Meditation, Counseling, Therapy, exercise, diet, and all other activities alter the brain.

Stress and turmoil in children, teens, and adults will effect some corresponding chemical in the brain.

Many believe the stress and trauma alters the brain. Many believe the imbalance in chemicals from our neurotransmiters impact our mood and feelings.

Emotions change Brain Adults and Children

Considerable research shows that an individual's emotions and behavior continuously change brain anatomy and physiology.

Stress creates a hypersensitivity in dopamine producing neurons in the brain that continues even after they are removed from the brain.

A great deal of research shows the connection between stress and trauma upon the chemicals/hormones that effect the brain.

Meditation, Counseling, Therapy, exercise, diet, and all other activities alter the brain.

Stress and turmoil in children, teens, and adults will effect some corresponding chemical in the brain.

Many believe the stress and trauma alters the brain. Many believe the imbalance in chemicals from our neurotransmiters impact our mood and feelings.

Kids and High Blood Pressure

More than one million US children have undiagnosed high blood pressure. This leaves children at risk for developing organ damage.

Many assume high blood pressure is an adult problem, however, it is estimated that it impacts approximately two million young children in the US.
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Sleep and behavior

Sleep deprivation can lead to: headaches, irritability, behavior that appears similar to adhd or add, as well as difficulty concentrating.

OSU analyzed 18.6 million reported cases of sleep disorders in children and teens age 17 and younger. 81 percent were treated with drugs.
22 percent were treated with behavioral techniques and 7 percent with dietary counseling.

Parents and Doctors may be too ready to resort to medication to solve the problem says co author Rajesh Balakrishan, a professor of pharmacy at Ohio State.

Some suggestions:
Avoid caffeine
Proper sleep
Adolescents 6-12: 10 - 11 hours
Infants: 14-15 hours
Preschoolers: 11-13 hours
Toddlers: 12-14 hours
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Depression and work

When we look at absenteeism from work, lost productivity and direct treatment costs are calculated, it is estimated that depression costs the US more than 43.7 Billion Dollars.

The top three workplace problems are: family crisis, stress, and depression according to eap programs.

What do you think?
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602.575.4030
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Heartburn Drugs

The FDA are looking into two popular heart burn drugs. Prilosec and Nexium the "purple pill".

Clinical data appears to link them to serious heart problems.

The FDA is not doing there job they need to have a different testing standard. The FDA standard does not look into long term effects and it seems like every week there are concerns about a new drug on the market that may be dangerous.

Thoughts?
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602.575.4030
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Pharmaceutical TV Ads

The Pharmaceutical company spent 5.3 Billion on ads in 2006.

John Abramson, clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School states " public policy is about capital, not public interest.

Thoughts?
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602.575.4030
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Diet drug Side effect

A new weight loss pill called Alli is in your local drugstore.

An FDA advisory-panel member dubbed the pills' side effects "the underwear problem." This drug works by preventing the body from absorbing some of the fat you eat, and that leftover goo can cause fatty stools, oily spotting, gas with discharge, an urge to make a very very quick dash to the toilet and frequent bowel eliminations.

Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
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What the World needs now

I read an interesting article in ode magazine July 2007 issue by Jurriaan Kamp entitled what the world needs now is..you. Ervin Laszlo a philosopher in science known internationally as a scholar makes some thought provoking statements:

"Science will not change the world, people will". "We all know the world needs drastic change tp overcome the challenges of poverty and pollution".

He states the human will to change is the key factor. Laszlo states " more and more people are starting to live differently and change their priorities. They experience the miracle of life instead of fighting for survival, wealth, and power. It's a choice anyone can make and each choice will change the world."

"The same technologies based on the same scientific discoveries can be misused-as is so often the case-or they can be used to make things better."

What do you think?
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602.575.4030

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US health care challenges

The American people spent 2.0 trillion dollars in health care last year. Forty seven million people do not have health insurance in the USA.

Physicians are paid for how much care is delivered and not how well they take care of their patients.

One study states that the pharmaceutical industry pays for at least 80 percent of clinical research and underwrites 90 percent of continuing medical education, potentially influencing the content of medical journals and what physicians do and do not know about drugs.

I believe we can give incentives for maintaining health and healthy diets and habits. Physicians can receive bonuses for preventive health awareness and the insured can receive huge discounts based on healthy habits: diet, exercise, not smoking, balance in their life...etc

What do you think?
Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
www.LifeWorksAZ.com
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Trauma, ADHD, kids and children.

Diagnostic guidelines do not require mental health therapists, or doctors to rule out trauma when diagnosing ADHD.

Physical trauma as well as emotional trauma has a strong link to a child's depression, anxiety, ADD, or behavioral problems as well as many other diagnosis.

Research shows that more than 60 percent of children experience one traumatic life event before the age of 17.

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602.575.4030
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Kids behavior at school vital for success

It appears that the ability to self modulate one's mood and behavior are the most important element in a child's success at school.

A high IQ without healthy abilities to modify one's behavior will not get your child sucess in school.

What do u think?
Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
www.LifeWorksAZ.com
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Treating ADD diet

A higher protein and lower carbohydrate diet is best for your child that has ADD symptoms.

Complex carbohydrates are vital if your child has ADD. Complex Carbs include: beans, veggies, fruits, and vegetables. Organic fruits and vegetables are important and are without pesticides.

Eating proteins is vital. The best proteins are: chicken, fish, turkey, and milk.(Organic)

Our bodies need water and it is suggested we drink half our body weight in water per day. So if your child weighs 90lbs he should consume at least 45 ounces of water per day.

We need fats in our diet and the healthiest forms would be: canola oil, olive oil, fish oil, fat from raw almonds and raw cashews(organic).

These are some suggestions to help ADD symptoms. What do you think?

Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
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ADD children treatment

Children with ADD should avoid breads, bagels, muffins, donuts, sugary cereals, cakes...for breakfast. All these substances have sugar or breakdown into sugars that are not going to allow your child the ability to focus at school or anywhere.

The best breakfast would be whole grains, egg whites, some dairy products.

Avoiding white breads, pizza, pasta, potatoes, sugars etc will have a profound impact on your child's behavior.

Children on the healthy regimen will most likely have more focus, and less distractibility.

Thoughts? What do you think? What has worked for your child?
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602.575.4030
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Trauma passed on to children

Environmental influences like trauma can imprint themselves on are genes and be passed on to our children.

We can look at our biological parents and their : stress, traumas, and pain to help us understand how their personality was affected.

If we can become aware of our parents pain then we are better equipped at dealing with our own pain.

What do you think?
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602.575.4030
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Trauma PTSD

According to Roger Pittman MD stress and memory are profoundly linked. He states that stress potentiates memory. He states during trauma their can be an extra flow of adrenaline that burns a memory deeply into the brain.

What do you think?
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602.575.4030
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Safety in the USA

I am extremely concerned about safety regulations in the USA and how are government can protect its citizens.

We have a bridge in Minnesota that collapsed killing and injuring numerous people. We have the Katrina tragedy.
We have lead in our childrens toys that have recently been discovered.
We have plastics that are damaging womens reproductive systems.

We have pesticides on our crops that we eat that are linked to autism and Parkinsons disease.

Who is regulating manufacturing?Agriculture?Drugs? Roads? Etc

We need to be proactive so we do not poison society.

It is certain that we need to do a much better job protecting society from health and safety risks.

What do you think?
Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
www.LifeWorksAZ.com
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Plastic Reproductive Disorders

BPA or bisphenol A has found its way into human beings. It can be found in many plastic items: baby bottles, large water cooler bottles, canned food liners, and other rigid plastic items.

Several dozen scientists issued a strongly worded statement warning that the compound in plastic is likely to be causing an array of serious reproductive disorders in people.

This statement was published by the journal Reproductive Toxicology. It states the damage is a possible predictor of reproductive diseases in women, including fibroids, endometriosis, cystic ovaries and cancer.

We must be careful about what we consume!

Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
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Soda Danger to Teeth

It would be easier on your teeth to gargle with battery acid then with soda according to Dr Kenton Ross from the academy of general dentistry.

Thoughts?
Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
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Laser Printer Potentially Hazardous to health

Some laser printers released as many ultra fine particles as a smoldering cigarette.

Current research published in the journal of Environmental Science and Technology looked at office printer emissions of 4 major printer manufacturers.

"Particles have been shown beyond any doubt to be a health hazard." said study author Lidia Morawska, a physicist at the Queensland University of Technology in Austrailia.

Inhailing particles can cause health problems ranging from respiratory irritation to cardiovascular problems and cancer, depending on the particle composition, Morawska said.

What do you think?
Sent from David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS
602.575.4030
www.LifeWorksAZ.com
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