Counseling RELATIONSHIP Phoenix, Biltmore, Arcadia Arizona

What do we desire in a long term relationships? There are many answers to this question depending on whom you ask? Many clients would say they want love, however, what is love ? What does it look like for most people? Depending on how one is raised it might look drastically different to a couple or to a boyfriend or girlfriend. has experience working with relationships for over fifteen years. Relationships are co created and each individual must be open to making changes and meeting mid way in order for a relationship to flourish.

Healthy love is described as a relationship that involves mutual respect. When communicating with each other we treat our beloved with love and respect. Mutual respect is talking in a kind tone to one another. Respect is listening to your partners thoughts and feelings. Healthy communication involves empathy. Empathy is being able to understand and see how your partner feels from their perspective or point of view. Communicating love is not raising ones voice to each other and it is not criticizing or judging your beloved partner. This does not mean you have to agree with every point made but you must accept their perspective. You convey that you hear what they are saying and their thoughts as well as their feelings are important.

Spending time together doing activities that are enjoyable is a sign of love. Sending a card conveying you are thinking of your beloved is a sign of love. Making your loved one laugh is a sign of love. Being an advocate for your beloved one can take many forms. Giving guidance and emotional support is vital if asked at times maybe your partner just wants to be listened to.

Conveying love can be done with: hugs, a kiss, holding hands, telling your beloved how much they are loved and why they are valuable and loveable. Many men buy gifts like flowers or jewelry , however, many woman want an emotional connection with their partner. They would rather have less money and spend more time with their beloved one. 

Some men and woman show their love by cooking a meal for their loved one. Some men or woman show love by fixing things around the house. Some couples show their love by cleaning up around the house. Some couples show their love by giving their beloved free time to do an activity they enjoy whatever it may be be it healthy and watching the children. Many men think being a financial provider is how they show love however most people feel alone and empty if the only act of love is money.

Healthy relationships allow each individual to express their thoughts and feelings in a non threatening non judgmental non critical way without attacking and without interrogating and without judging your partner.

Thinking about your partner and being thoughtful is very important. For example being on time for your partner is important. Always being late is not considerate and it shows that they are not a priority or you are struggling with time management either way it does not build a positive relationship.

Taking time to listen to what each partner is saying is very important and being able to convey that you understand and empathize with your partner is also very important. Being heard and understood is vital.

Being able to apologize on both ends is important. Many have a difficult time apologizing and their ego will not allow them to do so even when they have done something that was hurtful. Being able to omit you made a mistake and wanting to work on how one can talk to their partner and communicate in a positive way is essential to a relationship.

I was recently told a story about a man who did not take care of his health. The man is relatively young and slowly gained weight to the
point that his wife was seeking a divorce.

Many might say that his wife did not love him. Many would say that his wife loved him enough to have him lose weight because she loved him
enough to want him to be healthy.

If both people in a relationship value health than exercise and healthy eating habits are important and a plan to achieve better health would be an important goal.

I do not believe we should keep quiet when a loved one is on the road to poor health. This young man ended up having a number of health
issues due to weight: knee issues, high blood pressure, gal bladder removed, sleep apnea, back pain, back problems and much more.

He refused to exercise more… He refused to join weight
watchers…and this is what happens when you love food more than your health, friends, or loved ones….it is a bad habit or an addiction or
coping mechanism but these behaviors can change if he makes an effort. You must love yourself enough to want to take care of your health. If you do not love yourself how can you possibly give love.

Food can be a coping mechanism, however, so can alcohol and drugs and more… It is not healthy. So should you speak your truth or allow
your loved one to slowly spiral toward disease and despair?

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect. There are many elements in a healthy relationship that are important so there is balance and peace. Mutual respect means that each person values who the other person i and respects the other persons boundaries( limits ) and comfort levels. Boundary violations are one of the biggest problems in relationships .

Trust and honesty are vital. If you do not have trust then you will never feel safe or secure in your relationship.

Healthy communication is also important being able to respectfully express your thoughts and feelings. Many people stuff their thoughts and feelings and go years without expressing what is truly important to them. has been working giving advise on relationships for over 15 years to men and woman that desire healthy relationships.

David R Abrams
Life Works AZ PLLC
602 575 4030

Here is another article on love and healthy relationships:

There are many areas that can be helpful in relationships. Many people are insensitive to how they communicate with their partners. If a partner is using “you statements” or constantly judging you and criticizing you this is not the best approach for a close relationship. This approach will alienate your partner and likely will create division and great emotional pain. Learning how to speak and watching your words and body language is essential for healthy relationships. How often are you affirming your partner vs putting them down. How often are you looking at your glass half full vs half empty or 90 percent empty. These behaviors can change and a loving relationship can grow with mutual respect and understanding and compassion.

Most problems grow out of relationships going all the way back to childhood. Psychological well being requires new and improved relationships.

There are many areas we can improve upon in relationships. Being transparent and sharing your day is important as well as being curious about what your partner did that day as well. Intimacy ( in to me you see) is vital for healthy relationships. Healthy communication is important and this must be done FACE to FACE. Texting can destroy communication. Healthy communication must be done in private without electronic devices and must be face to face. Expressing : hopes, thoughts, desires, wishes, and feelings is all a part of healthy communication. Having mutual respect for each other and consideration is vital for mutual healthy relationships. Someone who keeps his wife up all night when he can go in the other room is inconsiderate. He is not thinking about his partners sleep. Having a sense of humor and laughing at yourself will help keep you balanced. There are many other elements in healthy relationships however these are a few great ones.

Counseling and psychotherapy are: social, psychological, spiritual, educational, and holistic natural approaches to deal with emotional pain, relationships, family, behavioral pain, challenges, and suffering.

Building a solid foundation of mutual respect for each other is vital in creating a healthy relationship .

Focusing on the small things your partner does as well as the big things is vital in creating a healthy long term connection for a strong relationship .

Displaying appreciation to your partner is important . Letting your partner know they are appreciated for all they do . An example would be I really appreciate it when you: bring me my coffee , make dinner , do the laundry , call me during the day and show you are thinking of me .

Exploring activities that you both enjoy is important . Finding events or outings that both of you are interested in exploring is very important . Mutual interests allow you both to develop a strong connection and enjoy activities together .

If you hurt your partners feelings it is important to recognize you may have said something that was upsetting or your behavior was upsetting to your partner . Being able to recognize that you made an error and making an effort to say you are sorry and are willing to work on changing your ” hurtful” behavior is important to establish a sense of compassion and love in your relationship . This is important in establishing a trusting bond .

Resolving conflict is important in healthy relationships . It may be hard to constructively address painful issues however it will strengthen your relationship when it is done with love and respect . Resolving disagreements requires a desire to look at your partners perspective . You may not agree or understand their perspective however but being open to putting yourself on your partners shoes is crucial to create desired change .

There are times when one individual in the relationship brings their own unhealthy behaviors into the relationship . These behaviors or values were created years before your current relationship and can indicate the need for them to work one one with a therapist or counselor so they can create healthy behaviors for life in general .

Accepting your partners differences is helpful in developing emotional support however working on healthy behaviors is also important .

Expressing what you want and need is important . Being able to clearly describe your desires is important an example would be ” I would like us to go on a one on one date twice a month ” versus I would like to spend more time with you .

Talking about one item of importance at a time is important because a list of items can disrupt focusing on each item of importance .

It is ok to not agree on everything . If you both continue to disagree it is ok to say I see it this way and I understand you see it another way . We can agree to have different perspectives.

Listening to each other is vital . Take time to focus on what your partner is conveying and truly hear them out in totality without interrupting . You can wait till they are done and reflect back what they are saying to gain clarity . An example would be it sounds like you are saying …. . Is this true ? If not ask for more specifics so you can gain a clear and accurate understanding of what your partner is conveying .

Having mutual respect for each persons right to have his or her feelings , friends , thoughts , perceptions is very important to create trust and love and healthy communication .

Learn about your partners family patterns and how they communicate love and how they learned to handle conflict .

Discuss with your loved one your perception of spending time together and what it means to spend time alone.
Share your feelings on what you need in terms of time together . Work on creating a solution that works for both of you . It is not about winning it is about compromise and nurturing and strengthening your relationship .

Communicating your needs is important and also knowing that your lover can not meet all your needs . Some of your needs will have to be created or developed elsewhere . Make an effort to empathize with your partner and see things from their point of view . Respect each others different view points even if your perception is not exactly their idea.
Take time to convey love and trust and your desire to work things out .

David Abrams MAPC , LPC has an advanced graduate specialty in marriage and relationship counseling as well as family counseling . David has treated clients through therapy and counseling in : phoenix , Arcadia, Paradise Valley, Biltmore, Ahwatukee , anthem , Scottsdale , Tempe , surprise, chandler and valley wide has experience working with relationships for over fifteen years. Relationships are co created and each individual must be open to making changes and meeting mid way in order for a relationship to flourish.

Articles are not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or counseling.