We all get upset and angry however it is when anger negatively impacts : family, relationships, self ,

academics, friendships, and our daily life that we must address our behaviors and emotional regulation

skills.

Teens and children learn unhealthy ways to cope with their emotions . Stuffing

feelings or ignoring them over time can create an unhealthy way to

cope with life and eventually can have negative side effects:

addictions, over eating, physical pain, migraines, stomach aches,

anxiety, rage, anger, depression, mood changes and more.

It is important to become aware of your feelings. We store our

emotions in our bodies. Tune in to your body, muscles, aches, and pains.

If it is anger. Ask yourself what you are angry about? Why are you

angry? What is really going on under the anger? It is ok to be angry

keep in mind it is what is done with the anger that makes it unhealthy

( verbally abusing some one, cursing, disrespecting parents, hurting

someone , physical harm , emotional abuse, shaming someone , attacking

someone verbally or physically, property damage and more.

Thinking before you respond is important in anger management. One can

do many things to cope w anger: listen to music, draw, journal, punch

the mattress, physical exercise, and more.

Once you are calm you can think about solutions that would help in the

future. Many times it is unhealthy thoughts we hold on to that fuels

our anger. We must modify theses unhealthy thoughts.

Teens can think about consequences in relation to unhealthy anger and

make a list of how the anger will help them get what they desire.

Typically unhealthy anger will not get the teen what he or she wants

and will make things worse.

If a child is still very aggressive by age 6, he is at risk for being violent in adolescence and adulthood.

Anger is a defense against deeper feelings of fear, hurt, disappointment, and pain.  When those feelings are too devastating, we automatically move into anger to keep ourselves from feeling so much pain.Kids today are immersed in a media culture that tolerates escalating levels of aggression.For every hour of media a 4-year-olds watched daily, their risk of becoming bullies at ages 6 to 11 increased by ten percent.

Nearly six five percent of U.S. adolescents have experienced an “anger attack” that involved threatening violence, destroying property or engaging in violence toward others, according to new research.

In the past, such anger attacks may have been referred to by parents as having a temper tantrum or anger outburst.

Girls ages 6 to 11 who often watched shows with aggression were found to be more likely to develop into angry adults than girls who watched none or few of these programs.

A child must be able to feel another child’s pain( empathy and compassion for others) in order to want to stop hitting when he’s angry. Teaching a child empathy is essential in aggression and anger in children and teens.Studies suggest that kids are more likely to develop a strong sense of empathy when their own emotional needs are being met at home.

Habitually angry children have not learned to put themselves in others’ shoes and see things from other people’s perspective. They have not learned the skill of consequential thinking. They do not know how to break into their rigid thinking and cannot stop making judgments about others. They have strong “shoulds” for others and get upset when others do not follow their wishes. They blame others for their problems and do not take responsibility for their own actions. They cannot allow themselves to see that they are at fault for some of their issues. This is called cognitive distortions or twisted thinking.

Habitually angry teens have a “me” “me” “me” agenda. They are not thinking about others or team work. They can be very judgmental and critical toward themselves as well as others. The entitled angry child believe they have the right to get what they want and if not become angry. The child believes he has the right to have it his or her way. The child has negative self talk and internal messages.

Another type of angry child or teen is involved with a parent that is busy and self involved and is not able to give the child the time or nurturing they desire. This child grows up feeling: neglected, rejected, abandoned. The child feels misunderstood, angry, frustrated, fearful, grief, loss and betrayal.

The entitled child believes the world revolves around them and they will not delay their desire for gratification. This child needs, limits, love, and consistency.

There are many counseling therapies that are extremely helpful in anger management and mood regulation that are used to help your child or teen. Mood regulation is where we learn how our emotions work, and the new skills we can learn in order to regulate and balance our mood. It is learning to build positive emotional experiences.

Mindfulness, distress tolerance, are just some skills. Learning many skills including CBT skills are extremely valuable in anger management and mood skills.

Feeling cynical and hostile toward others may double the risk of having a stroke in middle-aged and older adults, according to a study out Thursday.

The research in Stroke, a journal of the American Heart Association, also found that depression and high stress increased stroke risk.

For the study, more than 6,700 adults aged 45 to 84 answered questionnaires about their state of mind and behavior.

These surveys assessed chronic stress, depressive symptoms, anger and hostility over two years, and low scores indicated a lesser frequency of these feelings.

Subjects reported no heart disease at the beginning of the study.

They were followed for between eight and 11 years, during which time 147 had strokes and 48 transient ischemic attack (TIAs), a temporary blockage of blood flow to the brain.

Researchers found that those with the highest hostility scores — measured by assessing a person’s cynical expectations of other people’s motives — were more than twice as likely to have a stroke or TIA, compared to the lowest scorers.

Similarly, high scores on depressive symptoms meant an 86 percent higher risk, and the chronically stressed faced a 59 percent higher risk of stroke or TIA.

Perhaps surprisingly, anger was not associated with any risk of increased stroke.

The study included a broad mix of Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic and Asian people.

The associations between psychology and stroke remained even after researchers accounted for age, race, sex, health behaviors and other known risk factors of stroke.

“There’s such a focus on traditional risk factors — cholesterol levels, blood pressure, smoking and so forth — and those are all very important, but studies like this one show that psychological characteristics are equally important,” said lead author Susan Everson-Rose, associate professor of medicine at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

“Given our aging population, it’s important to consider these other factors that might play a role in disease risk.” (AFP Washington)

angry people I’ve worked with have suffered from significant self-image deficits

anger covers up the pain of our “core hurts.” These key distressful emotions include feeling ignored, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, unlovable—or even unfit for human contact.

we all need to find ways of comforting or reassuring ourselves when our self-esteem is endangered—whether through criticism, dismissal, or any other outside stimuli that feels invalidating and so revives old self-doubts. I

If, deep down, we still feel bad about who we are, our deficient sense of self simply won’t be able to withstand such external threats.

our anger potently serves to invalidate whoever or whatever led us to feel invalidated. In adamantly disconfirming the legitimacy of the menacing external force, we self-righteously proclaim the superiority of our own viewpoint. Thus is our critical need for emotional/mental security restored.

Contrary to feeling weak or out of control, the experience of anger can foster a sense of invulnerability—even invincibility.

While such individuals may desperately yearn for the secure attachment bond that eluded them in childhood, they will be wary of openly expressing such needs and desire. Doing so to a partner who might respond negatively to them could reopen ancient wounds.

It’s only logical that if a child’s caretakers proved distressingly unresponsive, unreliable or untrustworthy, the “adult child” is likely to be gun-shy, or defensively cultivate a certain emotional detachment, in intimate relationships.

The primal fear of these individuals is that if they let their guard down and made themselves truly vulnerable—freely revealing what their heart still aches for—a disapproving or rejecting response from their mate might lead them, almost literally, to bleed to death. And so (however ultimately self-defeating) the protective role of anger in non-disclosure and distancing can feel not simply necessary but absolutely essential.

If our attachment bond with our original caretakers was tenuous or insecure, it’s only reasonable that one of the least perilous way to “attach” to another would be through a distance-moderating anger that helped control our sense of risk about such ties. Uncomfortable about getting too close, yet apprehensive about a total break in our attachment, our being easily provoked by our partner may become the only viable solution to our dilemma—however dysfunctional and unsatisfying this solution might be.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or “I must have”

The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your “significant other” wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don’t retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger—or a partner’s—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

YOU have a hard time compromising. Is it hard for you to understand other people’s points of view, and even harder to concede a point? If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got his or her way by being the loudest and most demanding. Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability.

You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger. Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control, never letting your guard down? Do you feel that emotions like fear, guilt, or shame don’t apply to you? Everyone has those emotions, and if you think you don’t, you may be using anger as a cover for them.

You view different opinions and viewpoints as a personal challenge to you. Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree?If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things.

If you are uncomfortable with many emotions, disconnected, or stuck on an angry one-note response to everything, it might do you some good to get back in touch with your feelings. Emotional awareness is the key to self-understanding and success in life. Without the ability to recognize, manage, and deal with the full range of human emotions, you’ll inevitably spin into confusion, isolation, and self-do

When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation. Ask yourself:

▪    How important is it in the grand scheme of things?

▪    Is it really worth getting angry about it?

▪    Is it worth ruining the rest of my day?

▪    Is my response appropriate to the situation?

▪    Is there anything I can do about it?

Is taking action worth my time?

▪    Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.

▪    Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.

▪    Choose your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset.

▪    Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.

Know when to let something go.

If a child is still very aggressive by age 8, he is at risk for being violent in adolescence and adulthood.

Anger is a defense against deeper feelings of fear, hurt, disappointment, and pain.  When those feelings are too devastating, we automatically move into anger to keep ourselves from feeling so much pain.Kids today are immersed in a media culture that tolerates escalating levels of aggression.For every hour of media a 4-year-olds watched daily, their risk of becoming bullies at ages 6 to 11 increased by 6% to 9%.

Nearly two-thirds of U.S. adolescents have experienced an “anger attack” that involved threatening violence, destroying property or engaging in violence toward others, according to new research.

In the past, such anger attacks may have been referred to by parents as having a temper tantrum or anger outburst.

Girls ages 6 to 11 who often watched shows with aggressive protagonists were found to be more likely to develop into angry adults than girls who watched none or few of these programs.

A child must be able to feel another child’s pain in order to want to stop hitting when he’s angry. Teaching a child empathy is essential in aggression and anger in children and teens.Studies suggest that kids are more likely to develop a strong sense of empathy when their own emotional needs are being met at home.

Habitually angry children have not learned to put themselves in others’ shoes and see things from other people’s perspective. They have not learned the skill of consequential thinking. They do not know how to break into their rigid thinking and cannot stop making judgments about others. They have strong “shoulds” for others and get upset when others do not follow their wishes. They blame others for their problems and do not take responsibility for their own actions. They cannot allow themselves to see that they are at fault for some of their issues. This is called cognitive distortions or twisted thinking.

Habitually angry teens have a “me” “me” “me” agenda. They are not thinking about others or team work. They can be very judgmental and critical toward themselves as well as others. The entitled angry child believe they have the right to get what they want and if not become angry. The child believes he has the right to have it his or her way. The child has negative self talk and internal messages.

Another type of angry child or teen is involved with a parent that is busy and self involved and is not able to give the child the time or nurturing they desire. This child grows up feeling: neglected, rejected, abandoned. The child feels misunderstood, angry, frustrated, fearful, grief, loss and betrayal.

The entitled child believes the world revolves around them and they will not delay their desire for gratification. This child needs, limits, love, and consistency.

Parents can help with anger outbursts most of the time if they :remain calm, not yell, not debate with a child, become aware of their own anger, never use physical aggression, give consequences for specific behaviors, talk about your child’s feelings daily, take a break when your anger is out of control.

Anger is an emotion we all have however it is when it is out of balance
and misdirected where we have the biggest problem. It can impact our
relationships , family,
work, friends, roommates, classmates and more. Anger is not an emotion
that should be stuffed or repressed however it is important to learn how
to identify anger.
It is essential to become aware of what is going on that is triggering
the anger. What need or frustration or pain is below the anger?

Parents can learn to remain calm when angry and can model appropriate
behavior for children. Teaching children healthy anger management or
stress management skills
is very important for mood regulation and healthy communication. Be
consistent with rules and violation of family rules. This is very
important. Consistency in behavior
change is very important.

Children can learn to express feelings in healthy ways without having a
tantrum, screaming, yelling, and getting aggressive etc. There are many
ways to channel frustration
and manage anger for children and teenagers. Your child can learn
appropriate and healthy behaviors at home as well as at school for their
irritable moods. Finding out the
root cause of the behavior is very important. Is the behavior out of
fear, to punish the parent, out of power, control, revenge, fear of
abandonment, needing attention deeply?

Compliment and affirm positive behaviors and set limits for unhealthy
behaviors with natural consequences to follow.Explain why the behavior
is not “ok”. For example it is
not ok to hit your sister. Hitting people is not an appropriate way to
express your anger. If you are upset about your sister you need to talk
about it with your mom or Dad and we
will figure out how to handle it however hitting is not ok.

Teach your child empathy and the ability to see someone else’s
perspective. Have your child understand where the other person is coming
from and explain it to them. Maintaining open
communication with your child is important. Letting them know they can
talk to you at any time within reason and listening so they really feel
heard is very important.

Lifeworks AZ has a specialty area working with children, teens and
families. For more info go to lifeworksaz.com. Lifeworksaz.com has
worked with children and teens in :
Scottsdale, Phoenix, Glendale, Chandler, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Paradise
Valley, Goodyear, Buckeye, and throughout valley wide.

Anger creates stress which can lead to physical symptoms including but not limited to : headaches , heart pain and problems , high blood pressure , stomach aches , back aches and more.
It is important to learn how anger affects your body and this will help recognize when you are becoming angry .

Some teenagers and children : cry , feel their face getting hot , grind their teeth , notice heart is beating very fast, break out in a rash all over their body or in certain parts of the body , have difficulty breathing or feel short of breath , get stomach pains or aches , sweat , have tics or twitching , feel dizzy , sick to the stomach , roll eyes, and more .

Knowing what your specific body responses is just one step in becoming aware of when you need to cool it or manage your anger .

There are many counseling techniques used to help manage anger. Anger does not have to turn into fighting and yelling and physical aggression with your family , friends , at school and more .

One big reason it is important to deal with anger is that if left unmanaged it can often turn into addictions like alcohol and marihuana use as well as other unhealthy habits and addictive behaviors .

Lifeworks Az therapist and counseling has expertise working with teens , and children in Scottsdale , Phoenix , Tempe , Arcadia and more .

LifeWorksAz.com
David@Lifeworksaz.com
602 575 4030

Teens can stay angry and create family drama or they can learn anger
management skills and techniques to cope with their anger, anxiety,
self esteem, depressed mood, social skills and more.

Teenagers can learn to feel more balanced and happy through cognitive
behavioral techniques and other counseling therapy.

Lifeworksaz.com anger management teens Phoenix Arizona anger
management children Phoenix Arizona anger management teens ahwatukee
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Arizona and more

David R Abrams
Life Works AZ PLLC
David@Lifeworksaz.com
602 575 4030

In an article written by Martha Moore of USA Today titled 12 percent
in juvenile prisons are sexually victimized,
Justice Dept report says.

The article states that in some of the worst facilities over 30
percent of children reported they were sexually victimized.

The article states that juvenile reports of sexual victimization was
over ten percent involving a staff member.

This study involved over 195 facilities throughout the USA.

Society needs support and treatment so victims do not become
victimizers.
Adults need treatment, families need counseling and support,
children , teens, and adults need support: counseling and
psychotherapy to cope with abuse and pain.

David R Abrams
Life Works AZ PLLC
David@Lifeworksaz.com
602 575 4030

A physician recently was sentenced to five years in state prison for
anger issues related to road rage.

The physician was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, battery
with serious bodily injury, reckless driving, and mayhem.

The article from the Ap states the physician " deliberately hit his
brakes, causing the bicyclists to hit the back of his sedan. One rider
smashed through the back window breaking his nose and front teeth. The
other crashed to the pavement , seperating his shoulder."

This is an example where anger management, mood regulation, stress
management, coping skills for life, stress reduction, counseling , and
psychotherapy can help an individual.

Feelings that build up and are not processed can ooze out in a
variety of unhealthy ways: potentially road rage, addictions, risky
behavior, violence, verbal abuse, innapropriate anger ,rage, and more.

Lifeworksaz.com provides stress managemet for anger , relationship
counseling, depression counseling, adolescent counseling, teen
counseling cave creek Arizona, teen counseling Scottsdale arizona,
teen counseling Glendale Arizona teenage counseling Peoria teenage
counseling ahwatukee Arizona teen counseling tempe Arizona teen
counseling Chandler arizona and more.

David R Abrams
Life Works AZ PLLC
David@Lifeworksaz.com
602 575 4030

An angry teen killed his brother today with a knife wound to the chest. The AP states that one sibling was watching TV and the other teen was playing music. The teen was not in Phoenix I believe it was FLA.

One brother was upset that the music was to loud and wanted the music turned down. A fight ensued and one brother grabbed a kitchen knife and stuck into the siblings chest and he died.

Now this is tragic and sad and a tragedy, however, many teens do not lean healthy ways to manage their anger. Anger management for teens is a skill that must be taught for a heathy life and healthy life skills.

Children and Teens that do not learn anger management skills become angry adults and many use unhealthy ways to cope with their anger: alcohol and drug addictions, violence, abuse that oozes out on spouse, children, co-workers and more. Anger management and mood regulation are valuable skills we must all learn in society to be safe, healthy,and happy.

Your child or teens’ anger may be a defense to avoid painful feelings; it may be associated with failure, low self-esteem,family perceptions, and feelings of loneliness; or it may be related to anxiety about situations over which the child has no control.

It is important to look underneath the anger and defiance to see what need your child or teen is hoping to receive.

Avoid power struggles with your child and teen.

Communicate to reach a solution. Give up the need to be right! (ego, pride)

Acknowledge your child or adolescent teens problem and empathize with them.

Do not expect your child or teen to read your mind.

Focus on challenge at a time and do not bring in past issues.

Look for areas you can both agree upon.

There are many ways a child can learn to cope with his feelings and communicate in healthy ways. Your child and teen and family will be better off if you can incorporate some of these tools if not all in your family.