Archive for the 'Scottsdale' Category

Counseling Relationships Men Phoenix Arizona, Scottsdale

Tuesday, July 18th, 2017



There are many areas that can be helpful in relationships. Many people are insensitive to how they communicate with their partners. If a partner is using “you statements” or constantly judging you and criticizing you this is not the best approach for a close relationship. This approach will alienate your partner and likely will create division and great emotional pain. Learning how to speak and watching your words and body language is essential for healthy relationships. How often are you affirming your partner vs putting them down. How often are you looking at your glass half full vs half empty or 90 percent empty. These behaviors can change and a loving relationship can grow with mutual respect and understanding and compassion.

Most problems grow out of relationships going all the way back to childhood. Psychological well being requires new and improved relationships.

There are many areas we can improve upon in relationships. Being transparent and sharing your day is important as well as being curious about what your partner did that day as well. Intimacy ( in to me you see) is vital for healthy relationships. Healthy communication is important and this must be done FACE to FACE. Texting can destroy communication. Healthy communication must be done in private without electronic devices and must be face to face. Expressing : hopes, thoughts, desires, wishes, and feelings is all a part of healthy communication. Having mutual respect for each other and consideration is vital for mutual healthy relationships. Someone who keeps his wife up all night when he can go in the other room is inconsiderate. He is not thinking about his partners sleep. Having a sense of humor and laughing at yourself will help keep you balanced. There are many other elements in healthy relationships however these are a few great ones.

Counseling and psychotherapy are: social, psychological, spiritual, educational, and holistic natural approaches to deal with emotional pain, relationships, family, behavioral pain, challenges, and suffering.


Building a solid foundation of mutual respect for each other is vital in creating a healthy relationship .

Focusing on the small things your partner does as well as the big things is vital in creating a healthy long term connection for a strong relationship .

Displaying appreciation to your partner is important . Letting your partner know they are appreciated for all they do . An example would be I really appreciate it when you: bring me my coffee , make dinner , do the laundry , call me during the day and show you are thinking of me .

Exploring activities that you both enjoy is important . Finding events or outings that both of you are interested in exploring is very important . Mutual interests allow you both to develop a strong connection and enjoy activities together .

If you hurt your partners feelings it is important to recognize you may have said something that was upsetting or your behavior was upsetting to your partner . Being able to recognize that you made an error and making an effort to say you are sorry and are willing to work on changing your ” hurtful” behavior is important to establish a sense of compassion and love in your relationship . This is important in establishing a trusting bond .

Resolving conflict is important in healthy relationships . It may be hard to constructively address painful issues however it will strengthen your relationship when it is done with love and respect . Resolving disagreements requires a desire to look at your partners perspective . You may not agree or understand their perspective however but being open to putting yourself on your partners shoes is crucial to create desired change .

There are times when one individual in the relationship brings their own unhealthy behaviors into the relationship . These behaviors or values were created years before your current relationship and can indicate the need for them to work one one with a therapist or counselor so they can create healthy behaviors for life in general .

Accepting your partners differences is helpful in developing emotional support however working on healthy behaviors is also important .

Expressing what you want and need is important . Being able to clearly describe your desires is important an example would be ” I would like us to go on a one on one date twice a month ” versus I would like to spend more time with you .

Talking about one item of importance at a time is important because a list of items can disrupt focusing on each item of importance .

It is ok to not agree on everything . If you both continue to disagree it is ok to say I see it this way and I understand you see it another way . We can agree to have different perspectives.

Listening to each other is vital . Take time to focus on what your partner is conveying and truly hear them out in totality without interrupting . You can wait till they are done and reflect back what they are saying to gain clarity . An example would be it sounds like you are saying …. . Is this true ? If not ask for more specifics so you can gain a clear and accurate understanding of what your partner is conveying .

Having mutual respect for each persons right to have his or her feelings , friends , thoughts , perceptions is very important to create trust and love and healthy communication .

Learn about your partners family patterns and how they communicate love and how they learned to handle conflict .

Discuss with your loved one your perception of spending time together and what it means to spend time alone.
Share your feelings on what you need in terms of time together . Work on creating a solution that works for both of you . It is not about winning it is about compromise and nurturing and strengthening your relationship .

Communicating your needs is important and also knowing that your lover can not meet all your needs . Some of your needs will have to be created or developed elsewhere . Make an effort to empathize with your partner and see things from their point of view . Respect each others different view points even if your perception is not exactly their idea.
Take time to convey love and trust and your desire to work things out .

David Abrams MAPC , LPC has an advanced graduate specialty in marriage and relationship counseling as well as family counseling . David has treated clients through therapy and counseling in : phoenix , Ahwatukee , anthem , Scottsdale , Tempe , surprise, chandler and valley wide  has experience working with relationships for over fifteen years. Relationships are co created and each individual must be open to making changes and meeting mid way in order for a relationship to flourish.

Counseling ADHD Child Phoenix, Scottsdale

Wednesday, March 8th, 2017

ADHD treatment child and adolescents Phoenix AZ

Children with ADHD have issues above and beyond : hyperactivity, impulsivity and inattentiveness. Poor academic performances and poor behaviors at school, challenging relationships with peers and family members, difficult relationships with teachers and parents.

Children and adolescent teens that get along with parents and peers, have success at school academically, and parents with effective parenting skills are those with ADHD that have the best chance of adult success.

Behavioral therapy teaches children and parents skills to manage and master the three mentioned areas: healthy relationships, academic success, and teaching parents effective tools to address an ADHD child.

Psychosocial counseling and therapy for ADHD children and teenagers is called behavior modification or behavior therapy .

Best approaches in counseling is called a multi-modal approach. What this means is best results have been shown for ADHD children and adolescents when : parents, Psychotherapist with expertise with ADHD and youth work as a team. Incorporating behavior programs with this school can also show a team approach. Many schools are busy and overwhelmed with behavior issues and limited funding and teachers have so many students the child can not receive as much support as a parent or one on one counseling can provide .

Tailoring a specific program for your child is essential. Each child with ADHD has his or her own personality and temperament as well as unique family dynamics and environmental dynamics. A unique program is vital for your child’s success in modifying behaviors. It is best to start behavioral therapy as early as you can . The longer a parent waits for counseling the more time it will take to modify behavioral habits.

Parents can learn to reach behavioral goals, stay consistent, provide a reward based/conseq system, identify small goals that are manageable and not overwhelming to your child.

The first step is meeting with a counselor that works with behavior modification. Developing rapport and learning about the child and family dynamics is essential. Obtaining a history of behaviors that are working and behaviors that are not working is vital for treatment of ADHD and child behavioral issues.

Many Medical doctors believe that a child should not be on medication alone to address ADHD issues and should have behavioral therapy and counseling.

Children with ADHD symptoms can manage their ADHD symptoms through behavior modification.

Parents can learn to create a system at home that will work with each individual child. Having a plan that is written and clear and consistent is very important for the ADHD child. Parents play a big role in implementing the behavior modification plan. A reward based system is a positive based system when desired behaviors are not accomplished rewards are not available .

It is very important for parents to track the daily behaviors so each parent can be consistent. Rewarding the child for good behaviors and taking away rewards for poor behaviors must be done daily to create new and healthy behaviors for your child. You may have tried a system before however it is helpful to get advise from an expert in child ADHD behaviors that is objective and they can help modify and or create a new plan for success in the future.

Losing a reward when the negative behavior happens is best to re- solidify that behavior X is not ok and connecting it to a loss of a reward.

It is very important to be specific about changing or modifying a behavior. Telling your child he is being disrespectful does not really communicate what specific behavior is not ok. Telling your child that screaming is not ok is specific. Telling your child calling me a “jerk” is not allowed. Telling your child I asked you to come to the dinner table now and you waited ten minutes before you came is not an ok behavior.

Loss of rewards must be important to your child. If he has five games he places with and you take away the TV that is not a motivating consequence since he or she can play video games, use their smart phone, text, Play on the computer, watch a movie on Netflix via the computer etc.

Parents can learn strategies at to manage ADHD symptoms. Having both parents on the same page and enforcing the consequences and rewards daily is very important for behavior modification change.

At David Abrams MAPC not only helps parents with the behavior modification program for ADHD he gives parents tips and advise on how to create the best relationship with each individual child and create emotional, behavioral, and academic success. He works with the children teaching them tools and skills for success. David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGS has been working with ADHD children and teens using a combination of cognitive therapies, behavior modification, play therapy, and more to teach children how to manage ADHD with excellent results.

Recent surveys indicate that 12 percent of all children in the U.S. have been diagnosed with ADHD. ADHD’s core symptoms include hyperactivity, inattention, inability to perform monotonous tasks and lack of impulse control. Children with ADHD have trouble in school and forming relationships, and 60 percent will continue to suffer from the disorder well into adulthood if they do not receive counseling and therapy.

Over 3 million U.S. children and adolescents with ADHD were being treated with stimulant drugs. New research reveals that these drugs are not necessarily the panacea they have been thought to be. Research outcomes suggests that if ADHD children and adolescents could learn good study habits early on, medication could become less necessary.

Other research has examined the role of behavioral interventions not only for school-age children, but also for their parents. Parents of children with ADHD tend to exhibit more parenting-related stress and difficulties than do those of non-afflicted offspring. After training parents in stress management and giving them behavioral tools to help their children, significant improvement in their children’s ADHD-related behavior appeared.

Cognitive therapy may also boost improvement: In a 2011, showed that children with ADHD show extra activity in brain areas associated with “task-irrelevant” information during working memory tasks (those that depend on one’s ability to hold and focus on information for immediate reasoning and recall), suggesting that they have less efficient cognitive control. Cognitive therapy and counseling can improve control and ability to focus.

David has been working with youth and families for over 15 years. He helps the child learn tools to modify behavior and manage mood. Teaching children skills and tools to manage emotions, behaviors, school, and relationships. For more info contact David Abrams MAPC, LPC.

Teen adolescent counseling School, academic, performance Phoenix, Scottsdale Arizona

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2016

A child spends a majority of his life in school. A change in your child’s grades is a huge red flag.

A change in academic performance can be emotional or behavioral. It could be due to an unrecognized learning challenge. It could also be a sign that a child is using drugs.

Children who struggled in the first grade with academics were linked with depressive symptoms in the seventh grade. Poor academic skills can set the tone and the belief for how children view themselves in life. Having little success in school was correlated with having little control of outcomes in life. A risk factor for children and teens feeling they do not have control over important outcomes in their life.


Articles are not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or counseling.