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Teen Internet Addiction Social media Phoenix, Chandler, Mesa, Scottsdale Arizona

Sunday, October 25th, 2020

In recent studies more than twenty percent of teen adolescents have a mental health disorder. Teens have hormonal changes and their brains are still developing. Common disorders include: ADHD, Anxiety Disorders, Depression, Conduct Disorders, Oppositional defiance, substance abuse and dependence, Video Game or screen addiction, Gaming disorders (on the rise!!) or dependence and more.

Fifty percent of all adolescent teens state they are spending too much time on screens: social media, you tube, video games, texting, Netflix, hulu etc.

More than fifty percent of all parents in a USA study stated that too much screen time in their homes with their children and teens were having a negative impact on their child’s mental health !

There is a correlation between how much time your child or teen spends on screen time and their happiness. The more screen time the less happy your child will present and the greater chance your child or adolescent will have a mental health issue: Vaping, Depression, anxiety, substance use, depression, mood disorders and more.

A child and adolescents well being decreases with more than one hour of screen time each day as well as their self esteem and mood.

Close to sixty percent of all teens feel lonely or have anxiety when they do not have their smart phone with them!

Depression and suicide has increased at very high rates since smartphones have become the phone of choice throughout the United States!

There are those that state it is a casual link and not a correlative link however there is so much evidence that shows children’s mood and behavior decrease with an increase in screen time it is very difficult to ignore.

Further there are studies going back 50 years that show a decrease in mental health with TV watching and today screens are interactive and are used to hook a child or teen into staying on the screen because this allows companies to make money as well as to sell advertising space. Screens are big money for many corporations, however, not best for your child or teenager.

It is vital for parents to discuss your child’s stress and emotions so they can learn to manage emotions in life, relationships, school, and with family and friends.

A study was completed with over 50,000 children and the results showed that almost twenty percent of the youth had are struggling with a mental health disorder. Less than fifty percent of the 20 percent were obtaining treatment for their mental health disorder. This study was done by the American Journal of Medicine and pediatrics.

Parents can maintain an active lifestyle and role model exercising. There is a huge connection between life style and mental health disorders.

Diet and eating habits also play a huge role in your child’s mental health. Eating vegetables and proteins and having a balanced diet throughout the day is vital.

Limiting screen time is very important. There are many dangers on the internet as well as the blue light impacts sleep. There is a correlation between time on screens and your childs mood, behavior, anger, agression and more. One huge reason to limit screen time is so you can spend quality time with your child and this is essential for your child’s behavior, mood, and mental health.

Here are a few risk factors that your child is having mental health issues: Regular disputes and fights between parents, being bullied at school or elsewhere, a physical illness, exposure to substance abuse, grief and loss or death of a loved one or animal,.

Mental health disorder as a child is confusing and tormenting in equal amounts. Hence, parents’ need to be the wind beneath their kid’s wings and the anchor.

Below is another behavior that is contributing to children and teens being out of balance : mood, behaviors, sleep, family, academics and more.

Too much time spent on Screens : I-pads, Smartphones, Video gaming, and watching television  is linked to heightened levels of anxiety and depression in children as young as two years old.

Children were seen to have less emotional stability, lower senses of control, greater inability to finish a task or follow directions and a lower sense of psychological well being among children, teens ,and adolescents  in another research study published in Prevention Medical Reports.

Those in the study that spent less than one hour on screen time vs those spending 7 hours on screen time were fifty percent less likely to suffer from anxiety and depressive disorders in a giant research study that used 40,000 plus youth data and reports.

Preschoolers that had more screen time than one hour (4) had more temper outbursts and forty six percent of pre school children were NOT able to calm down.

Curiosity diminished among youth eleven through thirteen with the more screen time. The more screen time above one hour correlated with less and less curiosity in life.

Studies show that time spent on screens is linked to poor shifts in brain connectivity compared to say reading. Studies show that screen time is connected to poorer language cognition as well as  poorer levels of behavioral or self control.

Changes were seen in the reward circuits of children and teenage adolescent brain, in the ratio of the neurotransmitter GABA to other neurotransmitters. Research shows social media taps into the brains addictive pathways.

Here are some more negative results of screen time for your child or teen whose brain is developing. Screens negatively impact children’s sleep. This is huge because sleep is connected with mood and performance and much more ( academic performance).

Screen time use is an identified factor in childhood obesity and teen obesity. Screen time can undermine learning for young children and babies.

Night time exposure to screens and LED devices : smart phones, Ipads, Video Games, computers etc suppresses melatonin and disrupts sleep!

Your child’s brain is in hyper mode and moving very rapidly when interacting with screens and video games and computers and smart phones. When your child or teenager is taken off their devices their brains are still moving a million miles a second. It will take your child a significant amount of time for his or her brain to adjust. Your child may be bouncing off walls in his unconscious attempt to find stimuli that is moving as fast as his brain.

Research shows a child’s vestibular system gets thrown off with screen time which is responsible for calmness and mood.

Studies indicate children spend over 6.5 hours on average a day in front of a screen. Oftentimes, social media use is taking up at least some of that time, and the communication happening isn’t always positive. 

Texting can be abusive and aggressive and can have long lasting negative stigmas on children and teens and their emotional and mental well being. Cyber-bullying and inappropriate behavior are common. Exposure to X rated material is pervasive and many children age 8 have been exposed to inappropriate materials.

Anxiety and depression are more and more common with youth and social media usage does not appear to be helping in fact statistics shows increases in mental health issues like: ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Anger issues and more that is correlated with more time on social media.

Limiting an minimizing or eliminating usage on social media and internet and video gaming is best.

Study after study from Research journals and medical experts show that limiting social media is important for children and teens mental health. Researchers have looked at the relationship between social media and : Grades at school, family communication, social skills, Depression, Anxiety, and Self Esteem and much more.

Reductions in depression and loneliness were seen in a recent study with just a thirty minute reduction in social media for adolescents and children. Research shows a reduction in social media actually helped reduce loneliness and anxiety.

A huge research study in the UK using over 1500 youth showed negative impacts of social media: poor sleep habits, comparing self to others, low self esteem, poor self image, increase in anxiety and more.

Your child will have more balance is their lives if they spend time with family members communicating face to face, communicating with peers face to face, playing sports or involvement in physical activities or sports,  joining clubs and organizations, altruistic clubs, after school extracurricular activities and more.

Children and teens are spending a majority of their time on : instagram, snapchat, online, Video gaming, texting and watching tv and movies. It is not against the law to be doing so however in my office I find most children are out of balance.

Your child has the potential for more mood disorders: depression and anxiety. Your child is learning about violence and anger in most video games that reinforces violence and that is frequent and intense. Your child has the potential for sleep disorders and lost sleep due to too much use of electronic media. Your child is exposed to unhealthy behaviors. Your child is not learning about exercise or learning social skills and interactive skills that are needed for life and for employment. Your child is not doing a lot of homework or is avoiding studying because they have an entertainment center 24-7.

There are many things parents can do o create balance in a child and teens life and one is limiting exposure to the above at a very high level. Below is more info on children and social media.

Children and teens are using social media to express their deep feelings and fears at times and even let people know they are planning suicide. Parents and friends should not assume they are posting for attention. Recently two teens killed themselves in Colorado after posting suicide plans on their social media accounts . It was to late and they passed.

Children and teenagers need a safe and supportive individual to discuss their daily lives, stress, and problems.

has been working with youth and families for over 15 years in Phoenix and Scottsdale Arizona. The trauma is great for a teen who loses a friend to suicide.

Social media has created more connections with a click as an alleged friend however it has created fewer relationships that are real where a child or teen can talk to a real loving and supportive advocate.

Children and teens are communicating through : instagram, snapchat, Face book, texting, discord, WhatsAPP, and more and many times they want people to know how they feel and so they post it.

Child and teen depression is real. Many children and teens have taken their lives due to depression.

Children feel : sad, lonely, and have pain and stress just like adults, however, many children do not have the skills and maturity or the tools to cope with depression.

Experts state social media does not bring people together and many times it simply isolates youth and young adults. Using more than two hours of social media per day doubled the chances a youth or young adult would fill lonely or isolated.

Many children and teens are depressed or have signs of depression. Many children and teens are struggling with : family issues, divorced families, academics, blended families, low self esteem, poor social skills, peer pressure, hormonal changes, grief and loss. Many times teens will stuff their thoughts and feelings . Some teens hide in their room and avoid communication. Some teens are on their Smart Phones, TV, Netflix, and Video games. Too much of anything is not ok and parents can ask themselves is my son or daughter in balance or out of balance with their habits? Below is a story of a Tempe Teen that was depressed and it ended tragically. The good news is there are signs of depression and the sooner one gets help the better. After the article there is a list of some red flags your child may be depressed. There are experts in treating child and teen depression through counseling and therapy and other treatments.

I have worked with thousands of teens with depressed moods and depression. Moving to a new school, change, academic pressure, not getting along with mom or Dad, negative thinking, low self esteem, social dynamics, past challenges are being carried around by children and teens and these items need to be addressed to create health and balance.

A tragedy happened at a Tempe, Arizona High school yesterday . A student athlete committed suicide at a Tempe High school not far from Arizona State University.

Teen and child depression is on the rise and can not be ignored. Depression is not an adult disorder . Millions of children and teen adolescents feel depressed and there are a slew of reasons today that impact a child or adolescents mood.

A child or teen does not have to have had a traumatic childhood in order to be depressed . A teen can have loving parents and spiritual parents and feel depressed.

Setting limits and boundaries and requiring family interaction is vital . Spending one on one time with your teen is important and will help find out what is going on in their lives. Make it a requirement before they use their : video games , computers , smart phones etc . Schedule one on one time with each child and this lets them know they are important as well as they are more likely to share information with you than in front of the whole family . Most children will not share their true pain or depressed mood in front of the whole family or at dinner .

I find wonderful children and teens that have very negative thought processes about.

The best approach is to have someone who works w children and parents guide you to help create balance and learn tools to manage depression , anxiety , self esteem, family issues and more .

Teens face a myriad of pressures , from changes in development to questions about who they are and where they are going w peers, school, and their future. The natural transition toward adulthood can bring parental challenges and conflict as the adolescent teen pushes for their independence .

It is not simple to differentiate between depression and teen mood swings . Some teens that are depressed are not sad or withdrawn . Many depressed teens are angry , full of rage , defiant, and irritable and this may be depression.

Some signs of depression in teens are: sadness , hopelessness , irritability , anger , hostility , frequent crying or tears , withdrawal from family and friends, loss of interest in activities , change in eating habits or sleep habits , agitation, restless , guilt, worthless feelings , concentrating issues , thought of death, suicidal thoughts and more.

It is best to have a professional assessment from a professional who has expertise in teen and children .

There are many signs that may indicate your teen is down or depressed or is suffering from depression.

Some red flags that should not be ignored are: sadness , crying, tearfulness, hopelessness, a decrease in activities , inability to enjoy activities that were enjoyable.

Low energy, isolation, poor communication and a lack of connection w family and friends is a sign that something is going on that needs attention. Increased irritability and anger and rage are common w depressed children and teens.

Physical complaints : stomach aches , pain , etc are signs your teenmay be depressed. Changes in sleeping habits and or eating patterns is a red flag as well .

Self destructive behaviors, suicidal thoughts, self harming, drug andalcohol abuse are signs your child need help asap!

Parents should seek professional help if any of the above are going onas soon as possible. Depression is a very serious condition that impacts : thoughts, mood,

and behaviors. Teen depression can be treated .

Teens face many stressors and pressures. Transitioning from child to an adult. Figuring out who they are and what they want to do with life . Hormonal changes and wanting to fit in socially are just a few. Teens with depression do not always appear sad. Many teens display anger and irritability and aggression. Long lasting changes in mood, behavior, personality are all huge red flags that your teen needs professional help.

Some common symptoms for teen depression are: hopelessness , sad, blue, loss of interest in activities, withdrawal from friends and family , crying and frequent tears, changes in eating , changes in sleeping, agitation , restlessness, little motivation , lack of energy or excitement , fatigue , difficulty concentrating , thoughts of death , suicide or self harm.

There are many excellent counseling tools to help elevate mood and treat depression. CBT therapy looks at unhealthy thoughts that have no facts to support them and how these thoughts impact mood. DBT has a few elements: awareness/mindfulness, distress tolerance/mood regulation, interpersonal effectiveness. These are all research based and evidence based counseling techniques that have been used for decades with positive results. There are many other effective techniques that can be used to create health and balance for your child or teenager.

Here is a research study on aggression and video games going back 40 plus years. 

www.        has a specialization in child and teen depression, internet addiction issues, stress management, ADHD, Anxiety, Social skills, Communication, self esteem, counseling and therapy, child adolescent counseling, family counseling, family therapy in Phoenix Arizona, Scottsdale Arizona and serves valley wide.

Our child may be great at playing video games however you must look at how their interpersonal relationships look like, their sports and music and other aspects of their has expertise working with children , teens and families to create health and balance and success in all aspects of life.

TEEN COUNSELING Phoenix , Scottsdale, Cave Creek, Goodyear, Buckeye, Arizona

Saturday, October 24th, 2020

Anxiety Disorders, Panic Disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorders and Depression are on the rise like the Summer heat in Arizona…almost five months of over 100 degrees ..happy the temperature finally dropped 🙂

In talking with many adolescents and their parents about the effect of the pandemic, I have heard stories about the isolation teens feel now, and about the stress of being separated from peers and school supports. I have also heard stories about how some teens are feeling better now without the stress of routine peer interactions and schedules that are too full with outside activities. It’s too simplistic to say that all teens are suffering from the life changes associated with the pandemic, but I do think that the current circumstances are forcing teens to manage significant changes to their routines, and the overall family and societal stress of this time is challenging for many young people.

Teens have different ways of exhibiting symptoms of depression and anxiety, but parents should look first for changes in their teens’ behavior that persist for a couple weeks. All teens have quiet days, or times when they seem extra worried about everything, and parents should not be concerned if they see periodic, fleeting changes to mood or behavior. But if your teen is generally warm and outgoing and suddenly seems irritable and withdrawn, and these symptoms persist over a couple weeks, then there is reason to be concerned

Different things will work to manage anxiety for different people, so don’t be afraid to experiment with what works best. Parents  can offer support and validation and let their child know they are safe.

Walking will help to burn the adrenalin and neurochemicals that have surged the body to prepare it for flight or fight, and which are causing the physical symptoms (racy heart, feeling sick, sweaty, short breaths, dry mouth)Try to help them to access their strong breaths while walking, but this will be easier if they’ve practiced outside of an anxiety attack.

Breathe – I’ll do it with you. It will let your brain know that you’ve got this, and that you’re okay. It just needs to know that you’re safe and then it will settle down.

Anxiety is from a fight or flight response, triggered when the amygdala in the brain perceives threat. It doesn’t matter whether the threat is real or not – the brain thinks it is and acts as though its true, fuelling the body to respond. Breathing triggers the relaxation response which, like the fight or flight response, is also hardwired into all of us. Breathing can be almost impossible to access in the midst of an anxiety attack, so it’s important to practice strong breaths 

. The more children are able to verbalize what their anxiety feels like, the more capacity they will have to identify it, acknowledge it and act more deliberately in response to it. With this level of self-awareness comes an increased ability to manage the feeling when it happens, and less likelihood that the anxiety will hijack their behavior.

Give them plenty of space to talk about what’s happening, but don’t try to change it or fix it. The more you can validate what they’re feeling, and give them permission to feel it, the more they can move through it and experiment with ways to deal with it.. Every time you breathe through your anxious feeling, you’re helping to change and strengthen your brain. You’re doing something pretty amazing and the more you do it, the better you’ll get.’

Brains have an extraordinary capacity to change and the more children can understand and accept this, the more empowered they’ll be to working towards this. Here are some words to help with that, but nobody knows your child better than you, so adapt them to suit …

‘Think of it like this: Imagine that in your brain are two important parts – a ‘feelings’ part that feels everything that happens to you, and a ‘thinking’ part that thinks about everything that happens to you and helps you decide how to behave. They are connected to each other by a pathway that’s made up of billions of brain cells (think of each cell like a brick). The two parts communicate by passing information from one cell to the next, to the next, to the next. Anything that ever happens to you will always go through the feelings part first. That’s the way it is for everyone. Then, the information travels to the thinking part which helps you make good decisions and work out the best way to behave. 

When the connection between the cells is strong, the pathway will be strong, and the thinking part of your brain will be in charge of your behavior. This is because as soon as the feelings part gets worried or anxious, the thinking part can send a message quickly back saying, ‘You’re okay. You can calm down now because I’ve checked things out and there’s nothing that can actually hurt us, okay? But thanks for watching over us.’ When the pathway isn’t strong, the thinking part can’t get its ‘calm down’ message through, so the feelings part surges your body with chemicals that fuel you up to fight for your life or run for it. The idea is to make you strong, fast and powerful so you can protect yourself from danger. It’s this surge that makes you feel the uncomfortable things you feel when you’re having an anxiety attack. 

What’s important to know is that the pathway between the feelings part and the thinking part can always be strengthened. Here’s how …

Each cell along the pathway is able to grow 15,000 new branches to help it to connect to the cells beside it. The stronger the connection between the cells, the stronger the path. Every time you do something that helps you move through your anxiety, such as breathing or mindfulness, the cells grow new branches that connect them to the cells beside them, and the pathway is strengthened. It’s like weightlifting for your brain! Like any exercising any muscle – the more you do it the stronger you’ll get. Be patient though and whatever you do, don’t give up – it can take a while to get near 15,000 but you’ll get there.’

When it comes to dealing with difficult emotions – and anxiety is certainly one of those – anything you can say to validate, rather than change what your brave little person is going through will be important. Experiment with different things – kids don’t break when the adults in their lives respond to them in a way that’s empowering, loving and generous.

To strengthen and protect children with anxiety, explore their feelings with them and help them to tap into their own wisdom about what works for them.  If they’re given the space, and the encouragement and the freedom to explore and experiment, kids can come up with wonderfully unexpected solutions to the things that are troubling them. They can be pretty amazing like that.

Anxiety is a normal response to something dangerous or stressful. It becomes a problem when it shows up at unexpected times and takes a particularly firm hold. When anxiety is in full swing, it feels awful. Awful enough that anticipation of the feeling is enough in itself to cause anxiety. Many youth with anxiety also may have depression. has specialized working with teen anxiety, teen depression and teen and child issues for over 18 years specializing in balance. has expertise in child, teen, and family issues as well as relationships, social issues and much more.

Counseling Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Phoenix Scottsdale

Saturday, October 24th, 2020

More than seventy five percent of adults say they are somewhat worried about the impact of COVID 19 on their life right now. Levels of : anxiety, loneliness, and worry have jumped to all time highs. A lack of freedom and independence was the second concern among adults in Briton as a potential second wave of COVID is predicted. Over sixty percent are concerned about their future and over sixty five percent are concerned about the impact COVID 19 is having on their life. Almost 40 percent of adults reported anxiety due to the COVID 19. 

It can be very difficult to be 100 percent present with your child or teen when most adults are struggling with finding balance in relation to : work, family, sleep, stress, and other areas of life.

Social connections with peers are extremely important and this social and interpersonal has been curtailed or slowed down due to the Corona Virus pandemic. Increased time at home as well as many pushed to take online classes has prevented social interactions including closures of many activities. Research worldwide for decades have shown that social isolation increases rates of depression and anxiety among children and teenagers as well as adults.

The uncertainty around when school and life will return to normal has been adding to giant increases in depression and anxiety. Not knowing what the new normal is or if and when COVID will be treated or will it need a vaccine or will it eventually decrease in its danger and many more fears are a part of your child’s thoughts daily.

Substance use has increased be it : alcohol, marijuana, vaping and other drugs. Anxiety and depression is increased with family health issues, trauma, employment issues, unemployment and more. Adolescent teenagers and children are experiencing a sense of loss and in a way like grief with the loss of : school, clubs, friendships at lunch time, visiting extended family, sports, and other community activities that have been placed on hold or have been modified greatly. Teenagers need routine and structure and schedules for their development.

There are many red flags as far as mental health issues with your children and teens. Changes in sleep habits, changes in mood, changes in irritability, anxiety, worry, fear, depression, lack of motivation, apathy about school, negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts, change in eating habits, vaping, use of alcohol, weed, substance use and more.

Children and teens need to be assured with relation to activities. We have told children and teens how dangerous it is to be social so if we want them back in school we will have to help them with potential fears regarding COVID 19. IT is important to empathize with youth that it is extremely challenging at this time. If you see your child out of balance in : school, social, mood, behaviors, emotions, with family and peers he may very likely need professional help in the field of mental health. has been specializing in working with youth and families as well as adults with anxiety disorders, Depression, Social issues, relationship issues and much more.

Anxiety Counseling Phoenix Arizona.

Tuesday, October 13th, 2020

Arizona and all states in the USA are learning to cope with COVID 19 and the stress of this pandemic in our daily lives. 

In Spain over Fifty Four percent of teachers in a survey reported clinical signs of depression and anxiety due to COVID 19. Teachers reported : sleep disturbances , anxiety, nervousness, tension, irritability , headaches , feeling overwhelmed and suffocated. The study also showed that sixty five percent of teachers felt more overwhelmed with COVID 19 than before COVID 19. The results of this study were similar in seven other Latin American countries

Over twenty five percent of adults expressed a high or very high level of stress anxiety in one study done in Israel. The research with over 500 adults states that over twelve percent of adults were at risk for depression. Individuals worried about : health issues ( their health), family, the economy as well as government policies that were in place due to Covid -19. The higher the level of stress in relation to COVID 19 the higher levels of anxiety and the higher levels of depression were discovered in the research studies.

In a recent survey in Italy eight out of ten individuals in a research study stated they needed psychological support: counseling, therapy, Medication etc to cope with the pandemic of COVID 19. Threats to survival are common as far as being able to keep their homes, finances, funds to help or support children etc. The pandemic and its uncertainty as exacerbated symptoms of depression and anxiety in Italy as well as throughout the world.

Young children in France are experiencing developmental issues: bedwetting, insomnia and sleep challenges, anxiety and more. Teens are showing behavioral issues : withdrawal, irritation, discomfort, and fear of returning back to school. Increases in suicidal ideations or thoughts have been common among children and teenagers and adolescents in France and most countries due to COVID 19.

In Spain over Fifty Four percent of teachers in a survey reported clinical signs of depression and anxiety due to COVID 19. Teachers reported : sleep disturbances , anxiety, nervousness, tension, irritability , headaches , feeling overwhelmed and suffocated. The study also showed that sixty five percent of teachers felt more overwhelmed with COVID 19 than before COVID 19. The results of this study were similar in seven other Latin American countries.

A higher prevalence of generalized anxiety symptoms, depression issues, mental health distress, and fear were connected to COVID 19 onset in Germany. Generalized anxiety symptoms were on the rise in China according to research done in relation to COVID 19 . Research states that Government transparency to the public was helpful in managing mental health issues.

In England women and young children and teens and young adults were affected the most by COVID 19 and lockdowns and restrictions and changes to daily life routines etc.

Do to COVID 19 many are feeling: worried, anxious, and low and this can prevent us from doing things we usually enjoy. You can focus on your favorite hobby, relaxing, reading, or connecting with peers or family. This can help with feelings of anxiety and anxious thoughts. If COVID 19 is preventing you from doing things you would normally do you can find alternative hobbies that you have never tried before. There are numerous free tutorials, concerts, and  information online. There are endless free Applications be it drawing or exploring plants and trees with new discoveries.

Take time to eat healthy, get adequate sleep, exercise and take care of your mind and body during this stressful time with COVID 19. has expertise working with adults, children, teens, and families for lover fifteen years in : Phoenix, Scottsdale, Goodyear, Tempe, and Chandler Arizona

Counseling Relationships Phoenix, Scottsdale Arizona

Sunday, October 11th, 2020

Women aren’t opening because men aren’t giving them what they need. Women feel disappointed and resentful; they are suffering. When women suffer, and they feel like they aren’t being seen, they close off to their men.

Fortunately, you can learn the right tools to be able to more fully understand your woman. You can give your partner what she needs, allowing her to feel seen so that she will open again.

Take the time to read through these needs. Let them sink in. Understanding what you can do to help your partner fully open will not only improve your relationship, but it will improve your entire life.

When women feel loved, they relax and open to us. The arguments dissipate, the sex is abundant, and their nurturing feminine energy flows throughout our lives.

Not feeling loved is the subtext of every argument that you and your partner have.

If she is unhappy that you are going out with your friends, or she’s upset about her day at work, or she is only responding to you with brief snippets of sentences, then the cause is most likely her not feeling loved enough.

Learn to see through her words, actions, and moods and see what the real root of it is.

There is a war being waged on women’s self-esteem, sexuality, and safety from a very young age.

Because of the barrage of disempowering messages being sent to women regarding their sexuality, women need to have a safe space where they feel that they can trust their partners.

She wants to trust your strength. She wants to feel like you can handle whatever she shows you.

She wants to feel like you will not judge her if she asks for something risqué. She wants to know you won’t collapse in defeat if she tells you to do it “This way” instead.

By creating a safe space for your woman to open up to you emotionally and sexually, you will be giving her a very powerful gift- you allow her to grow within your relationship and undo old emotional damage.

Women want to see the cracks in our armour. They want to see that we trust them enough to open up to them. They want to be able to help us through our sadness.

An integrated, evolved man who has a balanced masculine energy as well as his own sliver of feminine would welcome his woman’s nurturing.

If you are a guy reading this, have you ever held open a door for a woman because it’s the polite thing to do (but more just because she’s a person and it wasn’t even a gender-based act) and she chews your ear off for it? “Oh what? I can’t open the door for myself because I’m a woman?! You sexist pig!”

That is an example of a wounded, unbalanced woman who doesn’t want to accept help from a masculine source. This is exactly how it feels to your partner when you push her away when you feel the most vulnerable. “I don’t need to lay my head down on your chest and tell you about my feelings because I don’t have any!” That is a lie. It’s a lie that serves your purpose of not letting your partner in. This lack of vulnerability and authenticity is what is making you and your partner suffer.

So let her in. She wants to love you. Remind your partner that you love her. Tell her that you appreciate what she brings to your life Women want partners that care. Women want to feel “special” and unique and want to be appreciated. This can be done by spending quality one on one time with her and letting her know she is special and unique. has been helping men and woman in relationship counseling for over 15 years.

Anger Counseling Phoenix, Scottsdale, Chandler, Cave Creek, Arcadia, Paradise Valley Arizona.

Sunday, October 11th, 2020

Anger that is not resolved will build up into unhealthy behaviors or physical symptoms. It can take a lot of time out of your day. Learning to express your anger in healthy ways is vital to cope with mood and anger. Anger is legal in the USA it is what one does with it that can or can not cause problems with your family or wife or girlfriend.

Anger is an emotion that can be mild or it can turn into rage and or violence and aggression. Unchecked anger can turn into yelling at people or property damage or heart problems due to stuffing the intense anger over a period of time.

Anger management is a counseling skill you can learn with practice so you do not destroy your relationships with those you care about or a lose a job or peers you care about.

CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an evidence based and research based therapy that is excellent at managing anger. I have been teaching it for over fifteen years to help with mood regulation and anger management as well as with other emotional issues or disorders. CBT involves changing the way you think and behave and in turn impacts your emotions ( anger, sadness, fear etc) Changing what you are doing and what you are thinking are essential in changing your behavior, mood, and actions!

Assessing if your anger is healthy anger vs toxic anger is important. Anger can be a sign that someone is not treating you with respect or in a healthy way for example Anger is not good or bad it is what you do with your anger that is important .

Daily exercise is essential to help manage anger. It will help improve your frustration and irritability. It will also help you reduce stress so when something triggers you it will be more manageable.

Exploring your thoughts and feelings is important in managing your anger and mood as well. Knowing what triggers you is important so you can handle the arising feeling in a healthy way .

Learning exercises to calm down each day is important. It may be imagery or visualization and a safe place. It may be taking a bath or a shower. It may be smelling a scented candle that is relaxing to you each day.

Anger that is not dealt with builds and builds and eventually oozes out in unhealthy ways : verbal abuse and yelling , aggression,
inappropriate anger , violence and many other unhealthy behaviors. It can ruin your marriage, friendships, employment , and more

Anger that us not managed impacts
your physical health, relationships, mood, work, family, and friends. Create health and happiness and balance through counseling .  has 15 years specializing in counseling and therapy for anger management and mood management in Phoenix Arizona and works with clients providing therapy and counseling to those from : Scottsdale , Ahwatukee, Goodyear , Peoria Az, Glendale Arizona , paradise valley Arizona , Tempe Arizona , chandler Arizona, Gilbert Arizona and valley wide .

Counseling Teen Depression Phoenix, Scottsdale using CBT Therapy.

Saturday, October 10th, 2020

Suicide amongst teenagers has increased even with warning signs on antidepressant medicine placed their by the FDA.

In 2003, the FDA issued a public health advisory that children and adolescents taking antidepressants were at an increased risk of suicidal ideation and behavior. The FDA then issued a more serious “boxed warning” of the risk to be included in all antidepressant drug labeling in 2005.

“We observed increases in suicide deaths among youth following the warnings and declines in depression care. Alternative explanations were explored, including substance use, economic recessions, smart phone use, and unintentional injury deaths,” the authors wrote. “Additional factors may have contributed to continued increases in youth suicide during the last decade. Combined with previous research on declining treatment, these results call for re‐evaluation of the antidepressant warnings.”

Currently, depression is the leading cause of suicide in young people, while suicides among adolescents increasing by more than 50% between 2003-2017.

More than 60% of adolescents do not have a single mental health encounter with either lay counselors or mental health clinicians in the year when they experience a major depressive episode and do not receive first-line evidence-based treatments, such as psychotherapies, including cognitive, behavioral, and interpersonal treatment, or when indicated, antidepressant medications.

It has long been known that appropriate treatment can improve health outcomes in this patient population.

The study, “Increases in Suicide Deaths Among Adolescents and Young Adults Following US Food and Drug Administration Antidepressant Boxed Warnings and Declines in Depression Care,” was published online in Psychiatric Research and Clinical Practice. has worked in specializing work with Teenagers and adults and families for over 15 years.

Counseling ADHD for Phoenix and Scottsdale Arizona.

Saturday, October 10th, 2020

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that providers prescribe behavior therapy and counseling before medication. Parenting and individual child and teen counseling can create desired changes in ADHD behaviors. Behavior therapy gives children choices to manage their own behavior and to make healthy choices and decisions. A behavioral approach will work for a majority of children and teenagers in counseling therapy. Data shows the long term trajectory of ADHD symptoms does not change with medication . Behavior therapy looks at the root of the behaviors and helps create change.

Medication does not look at a child’s thoughts or problem solving or behavior management it simply may numb your child out. However when your child or teen refuses to take the medication he or she will not have the skill set to manage his or her moods and emotions and it will be harder to learn the longer he or she has been relying on medication and not dealing with the underlying problems. Behavioral counseling and therapy is not done overnight however results can be seen in weeks depending on the child and family. Parents are involved at a high level to help implement behavior therapy and being consistent is very important.

Research shows using ADHD behavior therapy early on helps prevent other negative behaviors like oppositional defiance, anxiety, depression, conduct disorders , a low sense of self , self esteem and more.

It is important that children with ADHD receive positive praise and rewards after engaging in appropriate behavior. Improvement in parent child relationship was vital to a reduction in ADHD child behavior according to a large study done in Japan. Japan does not typically use Pharmaceuticals to treat ADHD .

ADHD effects children and adolescents worldwide at the rate of 3.5 percent of the worlds children according to researchers. ADHD is one of the most commonly diagnosed mental health disorders in the USA and worldwide. The main symptoms of ADHD are : hyperactivity, impulsivity, and attention deficits.

Over sixty five percent of children and adolescents diagnosed with ADHD in a large study showed the symptoms into their mid twenties.

Healthy diets have a huge impact on ADHD according to research in Spain. Mediterranean diets filled with lots of fruits, vegetables and healthy fats provide the best nutrients for ADHD according to a recent study.

Over one million children are mis diagnosed with ADHD each year. This is concerning since many are put on stimulant medications and long term impacts of stimulants is not known for youth.

Many children are diagnoses with ADHD because they are young and immature and they do not have ADHD. Many children are simply emotionally immature and or intellectually immature. Many ADHD diagnosis are driven by behaviors at school. Teachers are overwhelmed and they do not have the resources to take time to manage a child’s behaviors with many classrooms having a 30:1 ratio . Teachers really need many more assistants and if they did the suggestion of an ADHD diagnosis would disappear most likely.

Children and adolescent teenagers that experience stress and trauma are more likely to have an ADHD diagnosis. Psychosocial issues are rarely looked at by pediatricians according to recent ADHD studies. Children with ADHD may display: disruptive behaviors, impulsivity, issues with organization, issues with memory, challenges with problem solving and more.

ADHD like symptoms are often found in children and teens that have family stressors and or environmental stressors. Family discord and divorce are some examples where ADHD like behaviors are likely to be seen. Research shows that environmental stressors may increase levels of stress to a high toxic level. This level of stress may impair a child or teens brain development, behaviors, and overall it may impact their physical health as well as their mental health.

When environmental stressors like divorce or family stress is not looked at many practitioners may diagnose a child or teen with ADHD and are at risk of overlooking a child’s past trauma or current trauma as well as environmental factors that are the triggers for the behaviors like Impulsivity, disruptive behaviors, challenges with focus or problem solving etc.

Financial hardships, domestic violence, divorce, mental illness in families, incarceration of parents, discrimination death, grief and loss must be looked at in depth before one gives a child or teenager a diagnosis of ADHD.

Children and teens can learn ways to mange behaviors and moods via therapy and counseling. Parents can learn tips to assist in healthy behaviors at home and at school through child therapy and family counseling from a professional who specializes in these areas. provides child, teen, adolescent, and family therapy in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Paradise Valley Arizona, Chandler Arizona Arizona. David Abrams MAPC, LPC has expertise working with ADHD children and teens for over fifteen years as well as parenting techniques for ADHD

Counseling Relationship Phoenix Arizona

Thursday, October 8th, 2020

Is something missing in your relationship? Do you feel sad, alone, angry? There are many skills you can learn to rebuild your relationship.

Expressing what you want and need is important ! Being able to clearly describe your desires is important an example would be ” I would like us to go on a one on one date twice a month ” versus I would like to spend more time with you.

Expressing specifically what you need from your partner is important. 

Expressing what you desire should come with thoughts and feelings. An example would be “I would love to watch the movie tonight, however, I am exhausted from a long work day. Can we watch it on Friday so I can get my much needed rest. Here communication is effective and boundaries are being set in that rest is important and the client has awareness that he needs rest to be in balance and be his best.

The reason boundaries are so important is number one each partner must be aware that they need balance in their life. Balance in ones life at a minimum includes: adequate sleep, healthy diet, time for rest, playtime, quiet time, time for self, work time, and time for the relationship, and there is more that I will not go into today. If individual partners do not take care of themselves emotionally and physically it will spill out and ooze onto their beloved partner. This can look like a bad mood, irritability, anger, sadness, or bad habits like smoking, drinking, or drugs to numb their pain that most likely began prior to the relationship. Each person in the relationship needs to work hard to be the best version of themselves. If each partner does not work on themselves the relationship is destined for : stress, frustration, alienation, and chaos.

A common example I see in relationships in my work is anger and frustration that one partner is not meeting their needs. For example one partner wants their husband to affirm them. If they are going to spend a lifetime with their partner they would like to hear positive affirmations. An example would be I really appreciate how you help with the children and cook such a mouth watering lasagna it’s amazing. Another example would be letting your beloved know how beautiful she is or how attractive she and how you like how she puts her self together.

If we do not take time to affirm and VALUEour beloved ones the relationship will drift apart and partners will look else where to fill the empty void.. The bottom line is your partner needs to feel valued and feel important on a regular basisand saying I love you is not enough for most relationships.

Boundary issues come on very often in relationships. An example I observed in my office was a man that worked a 60-80 hour week. The great part about his hard work was that there was enough money for the homes and for other activities like a vacation. The wife however felt like she took a back seat to work and wanted to feel like she was a priority. Many people are married to their work . Some woman do not care however most do not want to feel second fiddle to their husbands work especially if the partner owns the company and can make his own hours. 

Many partners vision of the day is one of negativity. No matter how much money they made or how nice the weather is they only focus on negativity. They see the day as half empty. Most people do not mind hearing about a bad day, however, if all your partner is doing is talking about negativity it can wear on and harm the relationship. It is here one must work on themselves to see the good in their day otherwise this will have a negative impact on your relationship in most scenarios.

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect . There are many elements in a healthy relationship that are important so there is balance and peace. Mutual respect means that each person values who the other person and respects the other persons boundaries( limits ) and comfort levels. Boundary violations are one of the biggest problems in relationships .

Trust and honestyare vital. If you do not have trust then you will never feel safe or secure in your relationship.

Healthy communicationis also important being able to respectfully express your thoughts and feelings. Many people stuff their thoughts and feelings and go years without expressing what is truly important to them. Healthy communication involves using thoughts and feeling words. An example is I feel sad when you do not call or text me during the day because I feel unloved. We are human beings and have feelings and if this is ones truth one must share this with their partner so they can make an adjustment and meet your beloved ones needs. FEELINGS ARE like sensors telling us how to stay in balance and obtain what we need in life for ourselves and from our partners.Often this involves working on ourselves meaning we need to praise ourselves  for positive efforts and improving in life so we can praise others and our partners. has been working giving advise on relationships for over 15 years to men and woman that desire healthy relationships.

Counseling Anxiety Depression Scottsdale Arizona, Phoenix Arizona

Thursday, October 8th, 2020

Covid 19 has brought about a complex array of issues that are having a negative impact on teenagers and children and adolescents as well as parents and adults. Predictability provides us a sense of safety and things are not predictable with COVID 19. Many expert Virologists and Infectious physicians state that they know little about COVID 19 and many believe it was created in a lab meaning it is not a natural virus. Predictability can create stability in children and teenagers. The lack of social interactions, lack of info regarding a cure for COVID 19, lack of certainty is all feeding many mental health issues and disorders for teens as well as adults and children. Children have many fears as far as will they get sick. Adolescents and teens wonder when they will go back to school? Children and Teenagers wonder if they will be able to spend time with their friends and relatives and what the future holds for school, friends, sports, social, entertainment and all activities ? Children and teens wonder if they will have to wear a mask for 6 months? A year? Three years? Five years? Children wonder if a cure or a vaccine is on the way?

In a survey of over 3,000 children 6-18 the children had high levels of depression symptoms and anxiety symptoms compared to before COVID 19 arrived.

In another study of over 7,000 teens or teenagers the results showed that almost fifty percent showed depressive symptoms. The same survey showed that forty eight percent showed symptoms of anxiety  among adolescents.

Recently Italy has done a study with adolescent teenagers regarding their mental health during COVID 19. Almost eight seven percent of parents state that their children and teens showed changes in their behavior as well as changes in their emotional mental health. Over seventy six percent of teens or youth had trouble focusing or concentrating. Over thirty nine percent of adolescents showed irritability. Over thirty eight percent of teens showed challenges with being restless. Over thirty nine percent of teenagers and children reported being bored.

Almost forty percent of children and adolescent teens reported being nervous or anxious. Thirty percent of youth reported being worried . Thirty two percent of teens reported being uneasy regarding COVID 19. Thirty two percent of youth reported being lonely.

Over seventy five percent of parents reported being stressed about the COVID quarantine and this impacted the children according to the study done in Italy. Parental stress was highly correlated with emotional and behavioral mental health issues in their children as well as teenagers.

The research shows that COVID may affect your child or teens mental health and the sooner the concerns are addressed for youth the better the outcomes.

Children are having a challenging time having to stay inside during this pandemic. Many youth are becoming more angry and irritable due to being on lock down! Children are having more : breakdowns, temper tantrums, anxiety, behavioral issues, mood issues, and more.

Children are aware of the pandemic and they have fears and anxieties and concerns even if they are not verbally communicated.

Most children and teens have not had so much free time in their day. Online classes takes a small fraction of the normal school day. Children and teens are bored and have to deal with their thoughts and their emotions and this is challenging when they have not had as much free time to really think about their thoughts and feelngs.

Many children as well as teens do not have the insight into their social anxiety with peers. You may see your child spending all his time on video games. Talking on Xbox to individuals is not true social skills. In life your child will need to develop friendships and learn to interact with peers face to face. Developing friendships is actually seeing other children or teens outside of school on a regular basis. Sitting at lunch with peers is not a real friendship being you have to be at school and you have to eat lunch while at school.

During this time of social distancing it is vital that your child reach out to peers 3-4 times a week. It can be via : text, snapchat, Instagram, or actually talking to them! Talking is best. Hiding behind electronics is not as effective!

By maintaining social contact your child will be helping himself renew these friendships when he returns to school . Instead of having a huge void in their contact and feel like he knows little about what they did during the pandemic as well not feeling connected to their lives and hence their friendship.

Counseling at will teach skills for a life time. David Abrams MAPC, LPC, CAGs has a specialty in helping children and teens as well as adults create balance in life. Learning how to balance school work, family, peers, chores, and employment is vital. Finding out ways to balance anxiety, depression, mood, and social behaviors to create success is important for a life time. Meds do not change a child or teens thoughts however Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a powerful tool in empowering a child and teen for success and health and happiness!

Articles are not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or counseling.