Relationships. How much time do you spend each week cultivating your relationship with your wife, beloved girlfriend, friends? 

Most adults spend approximately 11 hours a day on media. The average for adults is : 2 hours on social media, Five hours watching TV , One hour playing video games, 2 hours on other apps be it texting, you tube, etc.

Relationships take time and one on one energy. Take time each day to talk to your cherished and beloved ones and especially take time to listen to them. Take time to do activities that your beloved ones enjoy. There are many activities like: card games, board games, drawing together, walking together, watching a comedy together, being affectionate, conveying kind words and love. How often do you tell you loved one how special they are and how appreciated they are and how valued they are? Giving them thanks and praise for cooking a great dinner or for all they do for you is vital in your relationships.

Are you spending all your time at work? Can you find a balance and spend more time with you loved ones. Work can become an addiction and work is great however if you wife and family feel neglected and that you do not have time for them then what good is all the money? Many families can function without one working a 60-80 hour week and would be happier if the provider was at home spending quality time with each other.

There are many mental health care concepts to help children ,teens, and adults with suffering without psychiatric medications being the only route for you to create physical and mental health.

Many children and adults feel helpless. This learned helplessness has manifested itself as a loss of faith in other people and your self.

When you become overwhelmed and alienated and are not able to receive adequate support it can become very self defeating.

It is important to identify and overcome feelings of helplessness, alienation, and lack of trust in your world. The basis of any caring relationship is the other persons caring attitude toward you, which in turn encourages you to care about yourself.

Working on your own reaction to stress full events is important. For example one may see a divorce as a horrible event and another may embrace it as an opportunity for freedom, renewal, and new life opportunities.

Resentment from the past will hold you back from growth and full happiness. You should feel welcomed with joy and zest in relationships. Learn to display happiness and joy when you see others. Be happy they are around and in your life ; obviously those that treat you with respect.

Do not drug painful emotions or feelings. This is an opportunity for you to grow and transcend negative life experiences. Pain is an opportunity for self understanding and change. Welcoming these painful feelings is an opportunity to transform helpless suffering into positive events and feelings. We all need help in successfully overcoming painful emotions.

Many client’s attack people that are trying to help them. They do so because they feel vulnerable, embarrassed, fearful of rejection, intimacy, or authority.

Most problems grow out of relationships going all the way back to childhood. Psychological well being requires new and improved relationships.

There are many areas we can improve upon in relationships. Being transparent and sharing your day is important as well as being curious about what your partner did that day as well. Intimacy ( in to me you see) is vital for healthy relationships. Healthy communication is important and this must be done FACE to FACE. Texting can destroy communication. Healthy communication must be done in private without electronic devices and must be face to face. Expressing : hopes, thoughts, desires, wishes, and feelings is all a part of healthy communication. Having mutual respect for each other and consideration is vital for mutual healthy relationships. Someone who keeps his wife up all night when he can go in the other room is inconsiderate. He is not thinking about his partners sleep. Having a sense of humor and laughing at yourself will help keep you balanced. There are many other elements in healthy relationships however these are a few great ones.

Counseling and psychotherapy are: social, psychological, spiritual, educational, and holistic natural approaches to deal with emotional pain, relationships, family, behavioral pain, challenges, and suffering.

Building a solid foundation of mutual respect for each other is vital in creating a healthy relationship .

Focusing on the small things your partner does as well as the big things is vital in creating a healthy long term connection for a strong relationship .

Displaying appreciation to your partner is important . Letting your partner know they are appreciated for all they do . An example would be I really appreciate it when you: bring me my coffee , make dinner , do the laundry , call me during the day and show you are thinking of me .

Exploring activities that you both enjoy is important . Finding events or outings that both of you are interested in exploring is very important . Mutual interests allow you both to develop a strong connection and enjoy activities together .

If you hurt your partners feelings it is important to recognize you may have said something that was upsetting or your behavior was upsetting to your partner . Being able to recognize that you made an error and making an effort to say you are sorry and are willing to work on changing your ” hurtful” behavior is important to establish a sense of compassion and love in your relationship . This is important in establishing a trusting bond .

Resolving conflict is important in healthy relationships . It may be hard to constructively address painful issues however it will strengthen your relationship when it is done with love and respect . Resolving disagreements requires a desire to look at your partners perspective . You may not agree or understand their perspective however but being open to putting yourself on your partners shoes is crucial to create desired change .

There are times when one individual in the relationship brings their own unhealthy behaviors into the relationship . These behaviors or values were created years before your current relationship and can indicate the need for them to work one one with a therapist or counselor so they can create healthy behaviors for life in general .

Accepting your partners differences is helpful in developing emotional support however working on healthy behaviors is also important .

Expressing what you want and need is important . Being able to clearly describe your desires is important an example would be ” I would like us to go on a one on one date twice a month ” versus I would like to spend more time with you .

Talking about one item of importance at a time is important because a list of items can disrupt focusing on each item of importance .

It is ok to not agree on everything . If you both continue to disagree it is ok to say I see it this way and I understand you see it another way . We can agree to have different perspectives.

Listening to each other is vital . Take time to focus on what your partner is conveying and truly hear them out in totality without interrupting . You can wait till they are done and reflect back what they are saying to gain clarity . An example would be it sounds like you are saying …. . Is this true ? If not ask for more specifics so you can gain a clear and accurate understanding of what your partner is conveying .

Having mutual respect for each persons right to have his or her feelings , friends , thoughts , perceptions is very important to create trust and love and healthy communication .

Learn about your partners family patterns and how they communicate love and how they learned to handle conflict .

Discuss with your loved one your perception of spending time together and what it means to spend time alone.
Share your feelings on what you need in terms of time together . Work on creating a solution that works for both of you . It is not about winning it is about compromise and nurturing and strengthening your relationship .

Communicating your needs is important and also knowing that your lover can not meet all your needs . Some of your needs will have to be created or developed elsewhere . Make an effort to empathize with your partner and see things from their point of view . Respect each others different view points even if your perception is not exactly their idea.
Take time to convey love and trust and your desire to work things out .

Relationships are built on mutual respect and first and foremost self 
respect.

An individual must want to take care of their health and love 
themselves before they can love.

Many people are in love with habits: smoking , drugs , alcohol , over 
eating, accumulating things , doing and doing but not just being. 
Being in the moment .

When we stuff our mouths with food we are ignoring our true needs. We 
must take care of our feelings daily so we do not continue to deny our 
truth.

If we ignore our feelings we truly are not taking care of ourselves 
and have little to give in a relationship.

www.lifeworksaz.com David Abrams MAPC , LPC has an advanced graduate specialty in marriage and relationship counseling as well as family counseling . David has treated clients through therapy and counseling in : Phoenix Arizona, Paradise Valley Arizona, Cave Creek Arizona ,Scottsdale Arizona . David has over 15 years helping in Relationship counseling.

The COVID 19 Pandemic is causing physical problems as well as many psychological issues such as: substance abuse, Depression, Anxiety, Obesity, relationship problems etc. 

Most of us are aware and research supports that psychological dis-stress causes us to get out of balance and this often is unhealthy behaviors like: unhealthy eating habits, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, anxiety, depression, sleep problems and more.

It is challenging to have balance when huge change occurs and we can not: go to the gym, go to yoga, go to get our hair done, nails done, do activities that give us a physical and emotional break from work or stress or family.

Research shows that illegal drug use is TWICE as high for those that are unemployed as those that are working! Drug abuse causes more cardiovascular health issues, homicide, anger, aggression, as well as depression and suicide.

Relapse increased for substance abuse during times of unemployment and the longer the unemployment and severity the higher probability of relapse according to research studies. Studies further show that drug dealing and dealers increase during times the economy declines. Selling drugs appears to be easier to do during times of economic distress because authorities are busy with other crimes and are busier than during excellent economic prosperous times.

Links between unemployment and suicide are well established. Over twenty percent of suicides were attributed to unemployment issues and lack of work or income.

Depression, anxiety, and suicide are on the rise and individuals during economic downturns and crisis are not able to receive the emotional or financial support they once were able to obtain during strong economic times.

People are feeling, lonely, isolated and unhealthy and the anxiety of the COVID 19 is adding tremendous fuel to the fire.

There are things one can do to reduce anxiety and depressed mood during this pandemic.

Reach out to friends and loved ones that are supportive to you. If a peer or family member makes you feel worse you may reconsider how often you call them and you may want to set a limit on how long you talk to the friend or family member. Reach out to friends and family and you can be supportive to them and help them stay positive.

Focus on what you can control. Make sure you wash your hands often and avoid people at this time, and wear a mask or bandana, if you are doing all you can do to be safe that is all you can ask of yourself. FOLLOW THE CDC guidelines and your best judgment.

Catch yourself in negative and fearful thoughts and redirect yourself to diaphragmatic breathing. Inhale to the count of five, hold your breath for the count of five, and exhale all stress to the count of five. Bring your mind back to your belly and body and breaths as you do the breathing slowly and bring in tranquility and exhale any feelings of stress .

Take time and search for an activity you enjoy. It can be looking for comedy movies and making a list of all the comedies you would like to watch. You may have time to watch one comedy a day or more. Learn how to play a new card game or word search game or play board games with family. There are numerous card games like: uno, 21, go fish, war etc that you can play with family members to get your mind off the COVID19 .

Limit your exposure to media news. You can most likely know all the new news by reading a web site or a few sites in less than ten minutes.

Maintain a routine as best you can to keep your mind busy. Do physical exercise in your home be it : yoga, High Impact, Lebanese Belly Dancing, DR. Biggs Stretches, pushups, jumping jacks, running in place, zumba, cardio, etc.

When we are hungry, angry, bored, irritated, tired and or sad that is when we result o bad habits like drug abuse etc. Eat healthy balanced meals, get adequate sleep, exercise, journal your thoughts and feelings, be aware when you need to find balance and move in the direction of balance.www.lifeworksaz.com has expertise working with adults, teens, and families for over 15 years in Phoenix Arizona, CaveCreek Arizona, Scottsdale Arizona, Arcadia Arizona, and the Biltmore Arizona 

Having a mental health issue: Marriage challenge, friendship difficulties, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, or relationship issue ( communication, mood, tone, etc) or other mental health challenges does not mean you have to have bad habits or be out of balance for the rest of your life. You may have to work hard on managing mood, improving relationships, being compassionate , being thoughtful, and more. Counseling and psychotherapy help give you tools to use to create balance and your desired changes in your life. www.lifeworksaz.com has expertise working with: Relationships, mood, anxiety, self esteem and more.

When one gives up the need to be controlling one will experience better relationships. You will have less issues with trust and you will invite more friends into your life. You will be more likely to reach out to a professional for help be it in many aspects of your life. People will look at you as less critical and more flexible in your family. Those that stop trying to control everything will most likely experience an increased sense of connection and happiness in their life.

One will have a lot less anxiety and stress when one gives up control. Being controlling is like carrying an extra 200 lbs around all day long it weighs on you emotionally and physically and not in good ways.

Giving up control will allow change in your life . You will have increased confidence and strength to handle new opportunities. When one gives up desire to control everything one will look around more and are more likely to see good fortune.

Look at areas you can control and areas you can not control For example you can throw a great party but can not be certain everyone will have a great time. You can do a great job at work however there is no guarantee you will be validated. You can sell a great car but can not guarantee who will buy the vehicle. You can control how much you exercise, eat healthy foods, get great sleep, wash your hands, clean your home, however, you can not control a pandemic.

Being mentally strong is acting in line with your values. Becoming mentally balanced and strong is becoming aware of your emotions. It is how one interprets and understands the emotions I relationship to ones thoughts. Understanding your thoughts and feelings to determine when to listen to them and when to let them go. Mental strength is being able to admit you do not have all the answers and seeking answers is a sign of mental health and spiritual growth as well as maturity. Making decisions to reach your full potential is very important.

A victim mentality is not an attractive characteristic. This attitude will push people away from you and opportunities to find new relationships that are healthy.

CBT therapy helps us replace negative thoughts with healthier more realistic thoughts. This helps with feeling sorry for ones self. One great exercise is replacing “thoughts of feeling sorry for self” with thoughts of gratitude and what you are grateful for having in your life.

Research shows that people who are grateful and show gratitude have more positive emotions, it improves their social life, brings more joy and pleasure to their daily life.

Making a conscious choice about you want to behave before you react to your mom, dad, or friends is important. Here are some strategies that can help you stay strong when you are tempted to have a negative response: yelling, name calling, throwing things, slamming doors, etc.

Taking deeeeeeep belly diaphragmatic breaths is very important when we are upset. Our physical body shows signs when we are angry like: sweating, increased breathing rate, and more. Taking slow deep belly breaths can relax your muscles and decrease your physiological response. This will help you in turn minimize your emotional reaction and or response that may be unhealthy.

Recognize when you are extremely emotional and politely excuse yourself. This may mean saying excuse me I need to take a walk and will be back in ten minutes. It might be saying you need to use the restroom and give yourself time to calm down and decompress. It may be saying you are not willing to talk about “ the subject matter” at this time and setting a firm boundary.

Exercise is a great activity so you can calm down when you are feeling highly emotional. Walking, reading, taking a bath or shower are great activities that can help reduce your emotions and bring you back into balance.

Change can be challenging. There are five common stages of change: 1. PRECONTEMPLATION: When people are in this stage, they do not identify any need to change. 2. CONTEMPLATION: Here is where people are considering pros and cons of making a change. 3. PREPARATION: This is where an individual is making preparations to change. Setting up a specific detailed plan on what they will do differently.4. ACTION: This is where the individual is doing things daily and taking action where one can see actual change in ones daily behaviors. 5. Maintenance: Continuing to incorporate behavior changes no matter what changes occur for the individual.www.lifeworksaz.com has been helping adults and youth create desired change in all aspects of their lives for over 15 years in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Paradise Valley

You can not figure out why your mom or Dad appears angry all the time? You are on your best behavior and excel in school, sports, socially. You help around the house, you are loving to your grandma and family members. You help out around the house and are a team player. You help cook and clean and go above beyond to offer assistance or your time, however, you feel unloved, devalued, un important. Your Dad or mom have time for their activities and their priorities, however, you come last all the time. Many Narcissistic parents come off as: arrogant, aloof, all knowing, superior, inflexible, Angry, Irritated that the world does not conform to them( angry if they have to wait for a few minutes in a line), selfish, not a team player, critical, judgmental, condescending, demand perfection in self and others, very controlling and more.

Narcissistic parents lack empathy and compassion and can not connect with your feelings or emotions. Feelings and emotions are foreign to the Narcissist since he or she never had their emotional needs met or understood. A narcissist may say they care, however, there words do not match their actions. The narcissist is a victimizer and this means he or she can use: emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and mental abuse. A narcissist will make you feel like you are the problem as he victimizes you and your family. The narcissist can learn to parrot words that on the surface sound caring , however, their actions and behavior and time spent toward compassion or caring or absent.

The Narcissist mom or Dad usually does not have very close friends and if he does the friendship is distant and non emotional. The relationship with a Narcissist is like someone making a business call it lacks a human element. Think of the Man or women with no HEART or SOUL! The Narcissist may seem very social and go to social events and dinners and activities , however, most never really see the true personality of the narcissist because they put on an “ACT” and because they do not spend much time with their peers they may seem likeable and admired, however, that is their false self and it is not who you really see with your immediate family members at home.

The Narcissistic Dad or Mom may give you a compliment however they will devalue you and shame you and embarrass you with no remorse and no sincere apology. If they do apologize it will not seem real because he or she will repeat the victimization behavior over and over again regardless of your hope and plea for him to stop.

The narcissist may donate money to a cause or put his name on a building by donating money so he or she can appear as if he is a caring and compassionate human being, however, it is usually a front and gives him or her praise from people talking about his or her donation or name on a building or name at the church etc.

The narcissistic parent will say what you want to hear and when you are no longer of value  to him he or she will act as if you do not even exist.

The narcissist usually had a parent that was not affectionate and not warm and die not show: compassion, empathy, kindness, and acceptance.

The narcissist values money and objects and is his or her habits. The Narcissist finds value in inanimate objects because they can be manipulated and do not have an emotional component.

The Narcissistic parent cares about his agenda, his or her routine, his or her money, his or her habits, his or her activities. The narcissist is not interested that you are in pain or how you are feeling so do not ever think they will change and begin to care because they do not have the tools to do so and you will be extremely frustrated if you have expectations they will grow a heart. It will not happen.

The narcissist is not a team player and if he gets squeezed to do an activity he does not want to do..he or she will sabotage the activity. The narcissistic parent may sabotage the activity by complaining so much that the activity is not enjoyable. They may show up late , rage, be angry, be passive aggressive, and try to manipulate the outcome..all in all it will make everyone unhappy. He or she is selfish, egocentric, and thinks the world should revolve around them and not you!

The narcissist treats his wife or partner in a way to make them dependent on them so they do not abandon them. It is the fact that he needs a woman in his life that makes the narcissists loathe and hate them.

The narcissistic Parent avoids intimacy, real friendships, and emotions. The narcissist may attempt to show emotions but it will sound fake, disingenuous, robotic, or detached.

The narcissist NPD is trapped in his low self esteem however to the public he presents himself as a winner. This is his false self that he displays like an actor. Deep down at the core of the narcissist he judges and criticizes himself. The Narcissist sees himself as inadequate in most aspects of life. The narcissist sees himself as a loser and a irreversible loser. He hates and has jealousy and envy about everyone around him.

The narcissist has no compassion or empathy for other human beings ! The narcissist denies personal responsibility for everything and rarely apologizes or feels sorry for his rage anger or interpersonal dysfunction.

Money is not the only compulsion for a narcissist. Many NPD are orderly and clean. Many are addicted to knowledge so they sponge up as much information as they can digest.

The narcissist has a superiority complex based on his inferiority complex. They feel entitled to special treatment and often use their power to undermine those they can for example mistreatment of  a waitress or customer service representatives, a clerk at a store. Talking down to them or insulting them is common. Sarcasm that is passive aggressive is also common.

The narcissist suffers physical pain, hunger, and fear rather than ask for help. The mere ability to help is considered proof of superiority and despicable taste of weakness and inferiority. 

Narcissists projects a personality that overwhelms people. Narcissists mold their followers like clay. People who admire the narcissist become their co-dependents ( friend, wife, secretary).

The Narcissist shapes the world around himself/herself and reduces people to objects or tools that can be used and discarded if needed.

The narcissist is focused on one thing and one thing only and that is power. Narcissists have no interest in things that do not help them obtain their goal or personal objective. Anything that does not help the narcissist is below them and is not deserving of their attention or time.

The narcissist only asks for help when found in a critical situation he can not resolve.

When children are taught that it’s better for them to suppress their emotions, keep silent and not to rock the boat, this manifests in adulthood as individuals who have difficulty expressing their emotions in a healthy way. They learned to bottle up their anger and resentment and when they become adults, this could lead to severe anger issues and suppressed rage that can be uncontrollable and erupt at any time. They become paranoid and believe that the world is a cruel, hostile place, where no one can be trusted and that they have to look out for number one. Many children of Narcissist become substance abusers to cope with the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and anger.

Narcissists are self serving and selfish and their is an increase in NPD throughout the US.

Teens and society are hypnotized by reality shows and my space and posting their schedules( twitter), facebook, snapchat, instagram. The Narcissists theme song is me..me..me..me…me. Many achievers are narcissists, however, narcissists can destroy relationships, destroy families, and are unhappy miserable, angry, and feel inadequate in most parts of their life.. Be aware and be careful.

www.lifeworksaz.com has expertise with relationship counseling and family counseling as well as individual counseling for over 15 years.

Women in Narcissistic Relationships

The Narcissistic is full of anger and rage and only close family members can see it. Narcissists can hide their anger and rage and put on an act w co-workers and others. It is only those that spend a great deal of time with the Narcissist that they are able to see the NPD disorder. 

The Narcissist can put on his charm to get what he wants and then can devalue and rage at you a minute later. A Narcissist does  not show empathy and compassion to others. The Narcissist can write a check and make a big donation making it seem like he is “ doing the right thing” however he does it for alternative motives so others will put his name down as giving charity and so he can receive adulation for his check. He puts on a false face to his neighbors and peers to present himself and pleasant however family sees how selfish and disconnected he is to family, spouses, and his children.

The narcissists mantra is “me…me..me…”. It is all about them. There are a lot of strategies to cope with a narcissist as well as someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many children and spouses are tortured and abused by narcissistic people in their lives.

It is hard to recognize the narcissist because he is able to put on a mask to reach his goals: wealth, success, and more. He will tell you what you want to hear for his gain and will throw you away once you are no longer needed.

The narcissist usually grew up with a disconnected mom or dad who was treated like an object…disposable..

The narcissist lacks empathy and is heartless….so if you are looking for someone with a heart run the other way when you meet a narcissist.

The narcissists # 1 priority is his/her routine, habits, goals, and agenda. He or she does not care that you are sick or in pain. The narcissist lacks a heart…heartless…

The narcissist is not a team player and does not display mutual respect for people. The narcissist will eat you up and spit you out!

The narcissist is SELFISH, cold, indifferent, and aloof but will act pleasant for his covert gain.

If you would like to read more on Narcissism you can see articles at www.lifeworksaz.com. Lifeworks az pllc provides counseling an psychotherapy for adults, teens, children and families.

The narcissists mantra is “me…me..me…”. It is all about them. There are a lot of strategies to cope with a narcissist as well as someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Many children and spouses are tortured and abused by narcissistic people in their lives.

It is hard to recognize the narcissist because he is able to put on a mask to reach his goals: wealth, success, and more. He will tell you what you want to hear for his gain and will throw you away once you are no longer needed.

The narcissist usually grew up with a disconnected mom or dad who was treated like an object…disposable..

The narcissist lacks empathy and is heartless….so if you are looking for someone with a heart run the other way when you meet a narcissist.

The narcissists # 1 priority is his/her routine, habits, goals, and agenda. He or she does not care that you are sick or in pain. The narcissist lacks a heart…heartless…

The narcissist is not a team player and does not display mutual respect for people. The narcissist will eat you up and spit you out!

The narcissist is SELFISH, cold, indifferent, and aloof but will act pleasant for his covert gain.

If you would like to read more on Narcissism you can see articles at www.lifeworksaz.com. Lifeworks az pllc provides counseling an psychotherapy for adults, teens, children and families.

It is extremely draining and painful to deal with individuals with Narcissistic Personality. Most people can not manage being in a relationship with a Narcissistic individual with a personality disorder. The only possible way to cope with a Narcissist is not be around them or attempt to cope…Experts state it is extremely difficult to cope with a Narcissist,.. The narcissist will validate you and invalidate you, he will praise you when he wants something and will knock you down. He will denigrate you and is a miserable person 24/7. If you choose to cope with this victimizer here are some tips from an expert, You can : threaten to leave, abandon him, demand respect, ignore him, shout back, mirror his ugly behavior ( probably best to find another partner), be critical, be humiliating, use their same body language and tone. An expert states the only way to get them to back off or back down is to show them a mirror image of their ugly behavior and they will recoil.

Narcissists are very common in our society however the number of people that have Narcissistic personality Disorder worldwide is anywhere from 5-15 percent according to experts. Below are only a few traits for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

• Pathological liars.
• Money and possessions represent power, they are love substitutes, they are mobile and disposable on short notice.
• The narcissist assimilates and identifies with them. This is why he is so traumatized by their loss or depreciation. They provide him with the certainty and safety he feels no where else. They are familiar, predictable, and controllable. There is no danger involved in emotionally investing in them.
• The narcissist treats women the way he does in order to weaken them and to make them dependent on him so as to prevent them from abandoning him.
• The narcissist needs women and that is why he hates them. It is his dependence on women that he resents and detests.
• Narcissist is attracted to woman that is : intelligent but passive, aesthetic in appearance, admiring, emotionally available and dependent.
• Narcissists form no relationship w a woman that is autonomous, independent thinking, demonstrate superiority, or provides unsolicited advice or opinions.
• The narcissist does not have intimacy with his partner. There is no real exchange of trust, information, experience, or opinions.
• Born to a family that is characterized by massive denial. ” you do not have a real problem “.. ” you must never reveal family secrets to others.”
• Aggression and violence are permanent factors in such families.
• The source of all the narcissists problems is the belief that all
• …………human relationships will end in betrayal, pain, and abandonment.
• This is why the Narcissist avoids : intimacy, real friendships, attachment, emotions, love, other emotions.
• The false grandiose self he creates is to protect himself and insulate himself from emotional “contamination “
• The narcissist may attempt to express feelings however will sound mechanical, disingenuous, and detached.
• The narcissist is seen as: zombie like, robotic, inhuman, an alien, a vampire, superficial, artificial, a vampire, a troll.

The narcissist NPD is trapped in his low self esteem however to the public he presents himself as a winner. This is his false self that he displays like an actor. Deep down at the core of the narcissist he judges and criticizes himself. The Narcissist sees himself as inadequate in most aspects of life. The narcissist sees himself as a loser and a irreversible loser. He hates and has jealousy and envy about everyone around him.

The narcissist has no compassion or empathy for other human beings ! The narcissist denies personal responsibility for everything and rarely apologizes are feels sorry for his rage anger or interpersonal dysfunction.

Money is not the only compulsion for a narcissist. Many NPD are orderly and clean. Many are addicted to knowledge so they sponge up as much information as they can digest.

The narcissist has a superiority complex based on his inferiority complex. They feel entitled to special treatment and often use their power to undermine those they can for example mistreatment of waitress or customer service representatives.

The narcissist suffers physical pain, hunger, and fear rather than ask for help. The mere ability to help is considered proof of superiority and despicable taste of weakness and inferiority. The narcissist only asks for help when found in a critical situation he can not resolve.

The child who becomes a full blown Narcissist with NPD disorder in most cases had a mother who was a narcissist.

The mother is the most important relationship to a child. The mother usually provides the foundation of care that defines the baby’s early world.

The narcissistic mother is cold and controlling. She invades her child’s existence. The mom manipulates the child to conform to her desires.

The narcissistic mother rejects everything in her child that she finds objectionable and places the child in an anxious state of losing her affection if the child shows any dissatisfaction.

The narcissist mom responds to his/her child with anxiety, anger, or withdrawl. The narcissist is more needy than most people.

A narcissist tends to have superficial social relationships since few want to follow his agenda.

 A narcissists closest friends are other narcissists who maintain a comfortable distance while exchanging gestures of mutual admiration. Neither make any emotional demands on each other.

One determining factor of Narcissists is childhood abuse( emotional, physical, neglect, depravation).

Narcissists projects a personality that overwhelms people. Narcissists mold their followers like clay. People who admire the narcissist become their co-dependents ( friend, wife, secretary).

The Narcissist shapes the world around himself/herself and reduces people to objects or tools that can be used and discarded if needed.

The narcissist is focused on one thing and one thing only and that is power. Narcissists have no interest in things that do not help them obtain their goal or personal objective. Anything that does not help the narcissist is below them and is not deserving of their attention or time.

Narcissists are self serving and selfish and their is an increase in Narcissism throughout the US. 

Teens and society are hypnotized by reality shows and my space and posting their schedules( twitter), facebook, snapchat, instagram. The Narcissists theme song is me..me..me..me…me. Many achievers are narcissists, however, narcissists can destroy relationships, destroy families, and are unhappy ,miserable, angry, and feel inadequate in most parts of their life.. Be aware and be careful.

The following is a list of dysfunctional traits in a relationship that the unhealthy narcissist maintains:

Inflated sense of self

Selfish

Jealous

Interacts with others due tp their usefulness.

Blames others does not take accountability or responsibility for behavior.

Is about power and control…wants to control others.

Is disconnected to your feelings, hopes, needs.

Displays inappropriate anger.

No Empathy

Perfectionistic

Values Money

Values Power

Values Attention

Values Beauty

Highly Toxic

Highly Negative

Highly Draining

Highly Critical

www.lifeworksaz.com helps individuals cope with NPD and find balance and peace in their lives.

Many children and teens are spending more time using screens and the internet do the fact that they are not physically attending school and online work takes twenty five to sixty percent less time to do than homework and physical school classes. This means your child or teen will be done with his work before noon if he starts at 9 am. He or she will have 9-10 hours of free time a day.

Study after study highlight the negative mental health impact of excessive screen time for your child or teen. Many children and teens will have social withdrawal . Children an teens that spend more than 1.5 hour per day on : social media, you tube, video games, and other screen time activities will increase the likelihood of: depression, anxiety, anger, behavioral issues, irritability, family conflict and more, also social skills will be diminished as well. Below are a handful of articles based on research and why you should limit screen time. 

Some studies say limit your child or teen to one hour of screen time per day and some medical professionals allow up to three hours a day. I can say that the less time on screens the more resilient and more balanced your child will be mental health wise and physical health wise as well as in healthy relationships.

I have been writing about the negative impact of media ( social media, Tv, Video Games, internet, and screen time) for over 18 years. I did a graduate essay on video games and violence toward woman that was published online. It is all about balance , however, most children and teens spend more time on media and electronics than they do: studying, spending time with family, and exercising or interacting face to face w peers.

One of thousands of studies on children and teens and exposure to media( video games, snapchat, instagram, you tube, Tv, Netflix, screens) by the American Journal of Psychiatrists state that youth that use media over three hours a day are more likely to develop mental health issues including but not limited to: depression, anxiety, anger, aggression, and anti social behaviors. Mood and behaviors are impacted by media input for children and teens according to a plethora of research. The three hour study is an estimate of time in that for some two hours a day may create mental health problems. The best advise is moderation , however, youth should be studying and exercising daily, as well as interacting in social groups face to face for best outcomes later in life.

Below is another study as well some parenting tips to move your child or teen off the screens and into other activities.

A study was completed with over 50,000 children and the results showed that almost twenty percent of the youth had are struggling with a mental health disorder. Less than fifty percent of the 20 percent were obtaining treatment for their mental health disorder. This study was done by the American Journal of Medicine and pediatrics.

Parents can maintain an active lifestyle and role model exercising. There is a huge connection between life style and mental health disorders.

Diet and eating habits also play a huge role in your child’s mental health. Eating vegetables and proteins and having a balanced diet throughout the day is vital.

Limiting screen time is very important. There are many dangers on the internet as well as the blue light impacts sleep. There is a correlation between time on screens and your childs mood, behavior, anger, agression and more. One huge reason to limit screen time is so you can spend quality time with your child and this is essential for your child’s behavior, mood, and mental health.

Here are a few risk factors that your child is having mental health issues: Regular disputes and fights between parents, being bullied at school or elsewhere, a physical illness, exposure to substance abuse, grief and loss or death of a loved one or animal,.

Mental health disorder as a child is confusing and tormenting in equal amounts. Hence, parents’ need to be the wind beneath their kid’s wings and the anchor.

Below is another behavior that is contributing to children and teens being out of balance : mood, behaviors, sleep, family, academics and more.

Too much time spent on Screens : I-pads, Smartphones, Video gaming, and watching television  is linked to heightened levels of anxiety and depression in children as young as two years old.

Children were seen to have less emotional stability, lower senses of control, greater inability to finish a task or follow directions and a lower sense of psychological well being among children, teens ,and adolescents  in another research study published in Prevention Medical Reports.

Those in the study that spent less than one hour on screen time vs those spending 3 hours on screen time were fifty percent less likely to suffer from anxiety and depressive disorders in a giant research study that used 40,000 plus youth data and reports.

Preschoolers that had more screen time than one hour (4) had more temper outbursts and forty six percent of pre school children were NOT able to calm down.

Curiosity diminished among youth eleven through thirteen with the more screen time. The more screen time above one hour correlated with less and less curiosity in life.

Studies show that time spent on screens is linked to poor shifts in brain connectivity compared to say reading. Studies show that screen time is connected to poorer language cognition as well as  poorer levels of behavioral or self control.

Changes were seen in the reward circuits of children and teenage adolescent brain, in the ratio of the neurotransmitter GABA to other neurotransmitters. Research shows social media taps into the brains addictive pathways.

Here are some more negative results of screen time for your child or teen whose brain is developing. Screens negatively impact children’s sleep. This is huge because sleep is connected with mood and performance and much more ( academic performance).

Screen time use is an identified factor in childhood obesity and teen obesity. Screen time can undermine learning for young children and babies.

Night time exposure to screens and LED devices : smart phones, Ipads, Video Games, computers etc suppresses melatonin and disrupts sleep!

Your child’s brain is in hyper mode and moving very rapidly when interacting with screens and video games and computers and smart phones. When your child or teenager is taken off their devices their brains are still moving a million miles a second. It will take your child a significant amount of time for his or her brain to adjust. Your child may be bouncing off walls in his unconscious attempt to find stimuli that is moving as fast as his brain.

Research shows a child’s vestibular system gets thrown off with screen time which is responsible for calmness and mood.

Our child may be great at playing video games however you must look at how their interpersonal relationships look like, their sports, academics, social skills, emotional skills, behavioral skills, family involvement, and music and other aspects of their life.

http://www.lifeworksaz.com  has expertise working with children , teens and families to create health and balance and success in all aspects of life. David helps children, teens and parents with : Parenting, self esteem , social skills, mood regulation , anxiety management, anger management, Behavior Modification, depression management, sports mental training, and much more. http://www.lifeworksaz.com

Articles are not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or counseling.

Phoenix, Arizona Counseling Services 602.575.4030

Child Counseling Addiction to Social media,Screen time, Video games !

Studies indicate children spend over 6.5 hours on average a day in front of a screen. Oftentimes, social media use is taking up at least some of that time, and the communication happening isn’t always positive. 

Texting can be abusive and aggressive and can have long lasting negative stigmas on children and teens and their emotional and mental well being. Cyber-bullying and inappropriate behavior are common. Exposure to X rated material is pervasive and many children age 8 have been exposed to inappropriate materials.

Anxiety and depression are more and more common with youth and social media usage does not appear to be helping in fact statistics shows increases in mental health issues like: ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Anger issues and more that is correlated with more time on social media.

Limiting an minimizing or eliminating usage on social media and internet and video gaming is best.

Study after study from Research journals and medical experts show that limiting social media is important for children and teens mental health. Researchers have looked at the relationship between social media and : Grades at school, family communication, social skills, Depression, Anxiety, and Self Esteem and much more.

Reductions in depression and loneliness were seen in a recent study with just a thirty minute reduction in social media for adolescents and children. Research shows a reduction in social media actually helped reduce loneliness and anxiety.

A huge research study in the UK using over 1500 youth showed negative impacts of social media: poor sleep habits, comparing self to others, low self esteem, poor self image, increase in anxiety and more.

Your child will have more balance is their lives if they spend time with family members communicating face to face, communicating with peers face to face, playing sports or involvement in physical activities or sports,  joining clubs and organizations, altruistic clubs, after school extracurricular activities and more.

Children and teens are spending a majority of their time on : instagram, snapchat, online, Video gaming, texting and watching tv and movies. It is not against the law to be doing so however in my office I find most children are out of balance.

Your child has the potential for more mood disorders: depression and anxiety. Your child is learning about violence and anger in most video games that reinforces violence and that is frequent and intense. Your child has the potential for sleep disorders and lost sleep due to too much use of electronic media. Your child is exposed to unhealthy behaviors. Your child is not learning about exercise or learning social skills and interactive skills that are needed for life and for employment. Your child is not doing a lot of homework or is avoiding studying because they have an entertainment center 24-7.

There are many things parents can do o create balance in a child and teens life and one is limiting exposure to the above at a very high level. Below is more info on children and social media.

Children and teens are using social media to express their deep feelings and fears at times and even let people know they are planning suicide. Parents and friends should not assume they are posting for attention. Recently two teens killed themselves in Colorado after posting suicide plans on their social media accounts . It was to late and they passed.

Children and teenagers need a safe and supportive individual to discuss their daily lives, stress, and problems. www.lifeworksaz.com

has been working with youth and families for over 15 years in Phoenix and Scottsdale Arizona. The trauma is great for a teen who loses a friend to suicide.

Social media has created more connections with a click as an alleged friend however it has created fewer relationships that are real where a child or teen can talk to a real loving and supportive advocate.

Children and teens are communicating through : instagram, snapchat, Face book, texting, discord, WhatsAPP, and more and many times they want people to know how they feel and so they post it.

Child and teen depression is real. Many children and teens have taken their lives due to depression.

Children feel : sad, lonely, and have pain and stress just like adults, however, many children do not have the skills and maturity or the tools to cope with depression.

Experts state social media does not bring people together and many times it simply isolates youth and young adults. Using more than two hours of social media per day doubled the chances a youth or young adult would fill lonely or isolated.

Many children and teens are depressed or have signs of depression. Many children and teens are struggling with : family issues, divorced families, academics, blended families, low self esteem, poor social skills, peer pressure, hormonal changes, grief and loss. Many times teens will stuff their thoughts and feelings . Some teens hide in their room and avoid communication. Some teens are on their Smart Phones, TV, Netflix, and Video games. Too much of anything is not ok and parents can ask themselves is my son or daughter in balance or out of balance with their habits? Below is a story of a Tempe Teen that was depressed and it ended tragically. The good news is there are signs of depression and the sooner one gets help the better. After the article there is a list of some red flags your child may be depressed. There are experts in treating child and teen depression through counseling and therapy and other treatments.

I have worked with thousands of teens with depressed moods and depression. Moving to a new school, change, academic pressure, not getting along with mom or Dad, negative thinking, low self esteem, social dynamics, past challenges are being carried around by children and teens and these items need to be addressed to create health and balance.

A tragedy happened at a Tempe, Arizona High school yesterday . A student athlete committed suicide at a Tempe High school not far from Arizona State University.

Teen and child depression is on the rise and can not be ignored. Depression is not an adult disorder . Millions of children and teen adolescents feel depressed and there are a slew of reasons today that impact a child or adolescents mood.

A child or teen does not have to have had a traumatic childhood in order to be depressed . A teen can have loving parents and spiritual parents and feel depressed.

Setting limits and boundaries and requiring family interaction is vital . Spending one on one time with your teen is important and will help find out what is going on in their lives. Make it a requirement before they use their : video games , computers , smart phones etc . Schedule one on one time with each child and this lets them know they are important as well as they are more likely to share information with you than in front of the whole family . Most children will not share their true pain or depressed mood in front of the whole family or at dinner .

I find wonderful children and teens that have very negative thought processes about.

The best approach is to have someone who works w children and parents guide you to help create balance and learn tools to manage depression , anxiety , self esteem, family issues and more .

Teens face a myriad of pressures , from changes in development to questions about who they are and where they are going w peers, school, and their future. The natural transition toward adulthood can bring parental challenges and conflict as the adolescent teen pushes for their independence .

It is not simple to differentiate between depression and teen mood swings . Some teens that are depressed are not sad or withdrawn . Many depressed teens are angry , full of rage , defiant, and irritable and this may be depression.

Some signs of depression in teens are: sadness , hopelessness , irritability , anger , hostility , frequent crying or tears , withdrawal from family and friends, loss of interest in activities , change in eating habits or sleep habits , agitation, restless , guilt, worthless feelings , concentrating issues , thought of death, suicidal thoughts and more.

It is best to have a professional assessment from a professional who has expertise in teen and children .

There are many signs that may indicate your teen is down or depressed or is suffering from depression.

Some red flags that should not be ignored are: sadness , crying, tearfulness, hopelessness, a decrease in activities , inability to enjoy activities that were enjoyable.

Low energy, isolation, poor communication and a lack of connection w family and friends is a sign that something is going on that needs attention. Increased irritability and anger and rage are common w depressed children and teens.

Physical complaints : stomach aches , pain , etc are signs your teenmay be depressed. Changes in sleeping habits and or eating patterns is a red flag as well .

Self destructive behaviors, suicidal thoughts, self harming, drug andalcohol abuse are signs your child need help asap!

Parents should seek professional help if any of the above are going onas soon as possible. Depression is a very serious condition that impacts : thoughts, mood,

and behaviors. Teen depression can be treated .

Teens face many stressors and pressures. Transitioning from child to an adult. Figuring out who they are and what they want to do with life . Hormonal changes and wanting to fit in socially are just a few. Teens with depression do not always appear sad. Many teens display anger and irritability and aggression. Long lasting changes in mood, behavior, personality are all huge red flags that your teen needs professional help.

Some common symptoms for teen depression are: hopelessness , sad, blue, loss of interest in activities, withdrawal from friends and family , crying and frequent tears, changes in eating , changes in sleeping, agitation , restlessness, little motivation , lack of energy or excitement , fatigue , difficulty concentrating , thoughts of death , suicide or self harm.

There are many excellent counseling tools to help elevate mood and treat depression. CBT therapy looks at unhealthy thoughts that have no facts to support them and how these thoughts impact mood. DBT has a few elements: awareness/mindfulness, distress tolerance/mood regulation, interpersonal effectiveness. These are all research based and evidence based counseling techniques that have been used for decades with positive results. There are many other effective techniques that can be used to create health and balance for your child or teenager.

Here is a research study on aggression and video games going back 40 plus years. 

Child Counseling Phoenix Az : Video Games, Social Media,ADHD, Aggression mental Health Disorders.

www.http://www.lifeworksaz.com LifeworksAz.com        has a specialization in child and teen depression, internet addiction issues, stress management, ADHD, Anxiety, Social skills, Communication, self esteem, counseling and therapy, child adolescent counseling, family counseling, family therapy in Phoenix Arizona, Scottsdale Arizona and serves valley wide.

Articles are not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or counseling.

have been writing articles regarding screen time exposure with youth and a correlation with mental health issues for over 15 years. Many children and teenagers are suffering from anxiety, depression, anger, and behavioral issues in Phoenix Arizona as well as world wide.

Research studies show that after just one hour of screen time children and teens show less emotional stability, and a greater inability to complete tasks or chores or homework. A decrease in self control is also present in these studies.

Research shows that screen time for youth has adverse effects on physical and mental health in youth ( children, teens, and adolescents).

In a study of over 40,000 youth research showed the prevalence of anxiety and depression to be very high for those that were spending a great deal of time on screens: smartphones, computers, video games, social media, ipads, PCs, etc.

Moderate use of screens showed lower psychological being and moderate use was considered up to 4 hours of usage of screen time.

In another study researchers found that children that played more than 2 hours of screen time a day were more likely to develop ADHD Attention Hyperactive Disorder.

 A big takeaways from the research group are that children exposed to more screen time before the age of 5 showed significantly greater emotional and behavior issues and attention issues . This risk was greater than : family issues, parenting, economic issues etc.

Edit Post

Switch to DraftPreview(opens in a new tab)Update

Add title 

Paragraph

Most parents view video games as” entertainment.” their content is not taken as seriously as that of the passive act of watching TV. After all, most adults today grew up playing pong, pac man, asteroids, space invaders, or defender. Nevertheless, what many parents might not realize is that the challenge for many players today is to rack up points by killing prostitutes after having sex with them. Video games have not only become more violent, the characters have become more real, and the effects that they are having on society, specifically women is shocking. Video games have engaged the “once spectator” to actively participate in addictive violence. Recent studies have undoubtedly concluded that the violence and negative reinforcements in video games have not only successfully promoted violence against women by desensitization, but they have also increased aggressive behavior in children and teenagers to a level that has devastated the lives of many.

Many people are shocked to discover that the video game industry is larger than the film industry. The Interactive Digital Software Association reported that video games are “the fastest growing entertainment industry in America, surpassing books, records and movie box offices combined” (Berger 2002). In 1997 the video and computer game industry generated 16 Billion dollars in economic activity, this does not include computer and video game hardware sales. In the year 2000 it became a 20 billion dollar industry and is still growing considerably (Berger, 2002). IDSA also reported at the time sixty five percent of all Americans age six and older, or about 145 million people, play computer and video games (Berger 2002). The video game industry has increased exponentially since 2002. It is stated that video games, many times is the initial experience that children have with the computer/ technology world. So, if boys tend to be the primary target of the industry, which, they are, what effect does it have on girls. The video game industry recently has generated93 Billion dollars annually in 2013.

If a child’s interest begins with games. most common computer games involve violence and aggressive themes have the effect of turning girls away from the computers in general. This is one way of keeping women out of power. After all, these are male dominated industries. Since computer literacy is essential in most jobs, people who are exposed to computers earlier in life have an obvious advantage. The boys who outnumber the girls in gaming, will be the men who out-number the women in the business world. This may lead to the girls becoming less interested in the world of computers as a career. Girls are not the only ones who are not enamored with video games. Parents are unaware of the violence that is being reinforced hundreds of thousands of times in their child’s brain.

Teenagers report that 95 percent of the time their parents do not check the ratings or the content of video games being purchased. Ninety percent of parents do not set limits on how much time their child can play video games.

We have seen an alarming increase in violence and school shooting. Shootings at Paucah, Kentucky, Jonesboro, Arkansas, and Littleton, Colorado were all cases where the shooters were students who habitually played violent video games. The bloody game Doom was Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold’s favorite game ( they wounded 23 and killed 13).Two studies examined violent video games effect on aggression related variables. The first study found that real-live violent video games are positively related to aggressive behavior and delinquency. the second study showed lab exposure to a violent video game increased aggressive thoughts and and behaviors. The results are in line with the General Affective Aggression Model, which predicts that exposure to violent video games will increase aggressive behavior in both the short term and the long term ( Calvert, Jordan, Cocking 2000)

A study of about 329 children and media violence was done over a 21 year period by L. Rowell Huesmann at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. Girls and boys participated. This was one of the few studies that followed children into adulthood, which enabled researchers to gauge the long term effects of televised violence. Men in the top twenty percent on childhood exposure to violence were twice as likely as adults to have pushed, grabbed or shoved their wives. The women who scored in the 20 percent were twice as likely to throw something at their husbands. the study concluded that both girls and boys exposed to a lot of televison violence have a greater risk of spousal abuse and criminal offenses, no matter what they were like as children( Ritter, M., 2003). This study was based specifically on violence, however, most video games today are also including very graphic sexually violent images, which are destroying women and the morality of society as a whole.

The effects of viewing sexually violent images was researched and discussed by Ed Donnerstein, Dean and Professor of Communications at the University of California, Santa Barbara.  In his study, young adults ages 18-20 were shown a one hour documentary on battered women. After watching the film, the viewers showed less empathy toward the victims. They lowered their evaluation on the level of injury that the women received. They also under estimated the level of pain that must have been experienced. Both men and women were more likely to display indifference toward the victims. many blamed the rape on the ladies and believed that the women brought it to themselves. It is clear that watching these images are negative, however, the video game industry uses reinforcement tactics to hook children, teens, and adults making the game, not just interactive but addictive. Violence in America and against women has increased since the rise of video games across the country. These games are highly addictive and use many psychological reinforcement principles to hook children to wanting to continue to play. Many youth are playing video games 40 hours a week. 

Violence was declared the number one health problem for women in 1992, sadly, recent studies have concluded that the problem is not decreasing ( Violence, Women, and  the Media, 2000). For example , consider the following statistics: the single major cause of injury to American women is domestic violence, exceeding gang violence, muggings, murders, and accidents ( The Commonwealth Fund, 1993). In the US, one women is raped every two minutes (National Crime Victimization survey, 1996). One in every seven women has been raped in her life time (Daily News, November 18,1998). Also, In America a woman is physically abused every nine seconds ( The Commonwealth Fund, July 1993). In emergency rooms more than one third of American women have suffered physical or sexual abuse ( Sternberg S. 1999) And a staggering thirty percent of women murdered in the US are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands or boyfriends ( national Crime Victimization Survey,1996). Researchers have found that the way the media depicts women influences how women are viewed and treated in society( Violence, Women, and the Media, 2000). For example, many video games are very degrading and often depict women as victims of violence. Also many video games also portray women as sex objects.

In the year 2000 half of the top selling video games contained negative images about girls according to (Children, Now 2000). For example unrealistic body images, high pitched voices,fainting, violence, and provocative sexuality is promoted.

Twenty eight percent of games in a study show women as inferior and powerless. In games like Grand Theft Auto boys are taught women can be treated brutally and this is reinforced in the video game.

Players of Grand Theft Auto get rewarded if they kick and kill the prostitute to death after they have sex with her. Sounds shocking, but it is true and is one of the most popular video games among children and teenagers in the US. After playing for 4-8 hours a day, these acts of violence begin to seem normal.

In the recent shooting at UCSB the 22 year old male stated many phrases in his you tube video regarding slaughtering women and others. He also stated that video games were a way for him to avoid: rejection, loneliness, humiliation, depression, and pain from not having a girlfriend and not having what he wanted sexually and in  relationships. The UCSB shooter mimicked many specific phrases from the video game World Of War Craft relating to specific violence and rage. The UCSB shooter also played: Diablo, and Halo as well as many other video games.

Anders Breivik, the right-wing extremist who has confessed to killing 77 people during a murder spree in Norway last summer, played the violent computer game World of Warcraft nearly seven hours a day for several consecutive months before his attack, prosecutors say.

Breivik, 33, already known to have a long history with the online role-playing game, was particularly absorbed by it between November 2010 and February 2011, when he played for an average of 6 hours and 50 minutes per day, according to prosecutors.

Two decades of research have shown that repeated exposure to violence blunts emotional reactions and makes people less likely to help others in need ( Levine, 1996). Perfectly normal people no longer recognize violence because it is so prevalent in the media. People grow numb to violence with repeated exposure via media. People become less responsive to human pain and begin to lose awareness of what it means to be human.

Before the Vietnam War, fewer than 20 percent of soldiers on the front lines would actually fire at the enemy, however, with games such as Doom used as conditioning tools for the soldiers, the US military kill rate increased to (0 percent in Vietnam. With video games, our military scientifically overcame the soldier’s innate resistance to killing ( game Over, 2000) Violent video games are the mental equivalent of putting an assault rifle in the hands of every American child. By sitting mindlessly, killing countless thousands of fellow members of their own species without any ramifications or repercussions, operant conditioning concepts transfer immediately when the individual gets a real weapon in their hand and are being taught violence. The recent school shootings in 2008 and 2007 serve as an example of a link between video games and heightened aggressive behaviors.

For the video game child/ teenager or gamer, beating a previous high score, or winning a free game, or having sex with a prostitute is all part of Skinnerian reinforcement. behavior that is followed by reinforcement will increase in frequency. In short, video games that make a child or teen or adult feel good will be played again and again. A partial reinforcement schedule will lead to behavior that occurs more often with and is more resilient to extinction than does a continuous reinforcement schedule. These two effects of partial reinforcement produce what is considered addictive behavior. These irregular schedules of reinforcement are in part, what cause these video games to be so exciting and desirable. This kind of reinforcement, which causes addictive behaviors can explain why their is an increase in the video game industry as a whole.

 The AMA states that anywhere in the world where TV appears, 15 years later the murder rate doubles. Ten thousand murders per year, 70,000 rapes, and 700,000 assaults. We must consider the impact of violent video games on the minds and behaviors of our society. The evidence is clear violence breeds more violence in the majority of situations.

Many children are having challenges sleeping at night and have great anxiety. The children report that their nightmares are specific to the video games they are playing. Research shows a lack of sleep impacts: mood, anger, depression, and behavior as well as performance. ADHD, defiance, and conduct disorders are on the rise exponentially.

The 130 Billion dollar Video game industry must be taken seriously. It must start with education and healthy parenting. It must come with boundaries and limitations. It must come with healthy communication and listening to children and teenagers. It must come from healthy role modeling from parents. The video game industry is no different than access to violence on TV or on the internet. Violence and abuse physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually is not ok!

There are 100’s of violent video games out there one is: Call of Duty Black Ops:This gritty, extremely violent military first-person shooter (pictured above) involves constant killing using realistic weapons, with blood and gore pouring across the screen during more intense scenes. Cinematic sequences can be even more dramatic and graphic, with soldiers and civilians alike dying in horrible ways, including graphic melee kills, people burning to death, civilians killed in crossfire, torture, and a shipping container filled with rotting corpses. In one scene, the player steps into the shoes of a villain and goes on a murderous rampage against soldiers, the screen turning red with blood rage as he takes damage. This M-rated game also has frequent profanity, some sexual themes, and drug use.

Do we really want your children actively involved and engaged in violent games daily; the same type of games that the US military uses to increase kill rates at war? Garbage in garbage out. We must find healthy activities that create health and balance for our youth and violent video games is not the solution.

Written by David R Abrams

MAPC, LPC, CAGS

www.lifeworksaz.com

Lifeworks AZ  Phoenix Arizona, Scottsdale Arizona

Articles are not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or counseling.

Family Counseling Tips COVID 19 Pandemic. How to manage stress during this difficult time. www.Lifeworksaz.com has been working with youth adults and families in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Paradise Valley for over 15 years.

The Covid 19 pandemic has brought huge changes to the USA and worldwide. Families are adjusting to children returning home from Colleges, children doing online schooling at home, adults and parents working at home. Change can be extremely challenging and families and adults and children that are FLEXIBLE will have more peace and balance then those who are inflexible. Families are a system or a team. When everyone pitches in things run more efficiently and activities like dinner are tranquil vs full of stressors.

Parents or parent should outline responsibilities and chores that can be distributed to each member in the house. Obviously a chore for an 8 year old would look different than a chore for a high school student. If one parent is taking on all the responsibilities and chores there is an imbalance and the house will be out of balance and chaos will likely ensue. Both parents can contribute meaning helping each other with tasks and responsibilities one may not have ever had to do. A husband may not have ever cooked dinner or helped doing dishes or setting the table however with the added load to the family system each individual must do there share of work and chores. 

Teens can do their own laundry and can fold their laundry and put it back in their drawers. Times can be set up for each teen or adult to do their respective laundry. Household chores should be divided up so one person is not on OVERLOAD doing everything or most of the work. Teens can clean bathrooms and vacuum and help out as well.

It is also very important to take time for yourself to rest or read or take a bath or do whatever you want to do during the week. Adults can schedule times where one adult watches the children and is responsible for all their needs and this allows the other adult to have their own time to relax, decompress, and more. Families are best to set up a schedule for these.

Exercise is very important during these stressful times. The gym is closed, yoga classes are closed, team sports are closed, club sports are closed, and many other activities. Each family member should set up individual times to do exercise. There are many exercise classes, yoga classes, dance classes, as well as exercise classes for : boys, girls, men and woman. There are dance classes and much more on you tube or on many web sites so just google it, and you will find courses for free. Keeping your immune system strong is important especially during this time w COVID 19 pandemic being at a heightened level. Daily exercise is very important for the lungs and heart and whole immune system. Taking a walk , doing pushups and sit ups and jumping jacks for fifteen minutes will create high impact and strengthen your body as well as reduce stress and cortisol and create better sleep and increased balance for yourself and your family.

Take time to spend one on one time with each individual beloved in your family. Sitting together at dinner is great, however, it does not provide the emotional support and time each child or teen needs . This is also important for husband and wife . Take time to be alone and spend time together alone. Take time to listen to your beloved, empathize with their feelings and listen to them . It is important to take time and show affection to your beloved ones .

Parents can organize game nights where the children and family play board games: risk, monopoly, Pictionary, candyland, stratego, scrabble, connect 4, chess, checkers, trivial pursuit, life, backgammon and more. 

Parents can also have card night. There are many fun card games that do not require a board game just a simple deck of cards; Go Fish, Crazy Eights, Memory, twenty one, War, as well as card games like UNO and other card games for adults only.

Make popcorn and have movie night. You can rotate on what movies are watched giving each child an opportunity to pick a movie . Of course review the movie and make sure it is appropriate for your family.

LIMIT LIMIT LIMIT time watching the news. We all know what is going on and new information is available via email and by spending five minutes on a web site. I suggest limiting exposure to news media being it is fueling more and more anxiety, depression ,and substance abuse.

www.lifeworksaz.com has been working with families, children and adults for over 15 years specializing in many areas that can be seen on the web site. Over 60 testimonials can be seen as well at www.lifeworksaz.com

Social isolation, fear, anxiety, and panic are only a few results of the COVID 19 Pandemic. Everyone is experiencing some type of trauma, grief and loss, panic, and more during this time. The loss of school friends, loss of work space, loss of privacy once had before working at home in a jam packed house.

Going to school is the main source of a child or teens social development. Playing at recess, talking at lunch time, participating in school sports, and more. Not all children respond to being home from school in the same manner. Some children are excited to not have to wake up early and sit in front of their teachers from early in the morning until 3pm. There are youth and teens that look forward to school and to seeing their friends daily and socializing and learning and getting out of their homes for awhile.

Some Red Flags that indicate your child is struggling may be but not limited to: sadness and worry, poor school performance be it tests, homework from there online courses, physical aches and pains, headaches, stomach aches, crying in younger children that is more than the normal amount, not participating in once pleasurable activities or avoiding once enjoyable activities, changes in eating habits, changes in eating habits, irritable and angry, moody, yelling, name calling, aggression, inability to focus or concentrate, regressive behaviors like nail biting or thumb sucking.

Be honest with your children about the pandemic and how it is impacting the family. Let them know you are available to hear their feelings and thoughts and that you too are making work adjustments and other adjustments to cope with the pandemic.

Let your child know he or she is safe and the reason school is closed is to keep safe.

Limit your child’s exposure to media and news this is vital during the COVID 19 pandemic and is essential for a healthy balanced child or teen no matter what is going on in the world.

Have your child or teen come up with a schedule for school work, online tests, online work daily. Have your child and teen have some power over the schedule and include: chores, school, exercise, sleep time, and eating dinner together. Schedule time for one on one activities be it playing a board game, uno card game, word search game, taking a walk together, sitting in their room and listening to your child’s thoughts and feelings is vital.

Model positive behaviors like managing feelings and thoughts . Expressing self in a healthy manner w a balanced tone . Show your children the importance of eating healthy daily as well as obtaining adequate sleep each day.

Validate your child’s thoughts and feelings and listen to them without problem solving. Just hear them out. Take time to show them how to be positive and hopeful, and grateful by your words and actions.

Take time each day to show compassion to your child and show you understand they are going through a difficult time and that you know it is painful and challenging and unfair and sad and frustrating. Also let them know that this COVID 19 will not last forever and shops will reopen and Disneyland and their favorite eateries and most of the activities they loved will be available again.

www.lifeworksaz.com has expertise working with children, teens, adults, and families for over 15 years. You can read over 3,000 article blogs as well as over 60 testimonials from parents, and adults , and professionals that have worked with him for many years in : Phoenix, Paradise Valley, Scottsdale, Cave Creek, and other parts of Arizona.

Social isolation, fear, anxiety, and panic are only a few results of the COVID 19 Pandemic. Everyone is experiencing some type of trauma, grief and loss, panic, and more during this time. The loss of school friends, loss of work space, loss of privacy once had before working at home in a jam packed house.

Going to school is the main source of a child or teens social development. Playing at recess, talking at lunch time, participating in school sports, and more. Not all children respond to being home from school in the same manner. Some children are excited to not have to wake up early and sit in front of their teachers from early in the morning until 3pm. There are youth and teens that look forward to school and to seeing their friends daily and socializing and learning and getting out of their homes for awhile.

Some Red Flags that indicate your child is struggling may be but not limited to: sadness and worry, poor school performance be it tests, homework from there online courses, physical aches and pains, headaches, stomach aches, crying in younger children that is more than the normal amount, not participating in once pleasurable activities or avoiding once enjoyable activities, changes in eating habits, changes in eating habits, irritable and angry, moody, yelling, name calling, aggression, inability to focus or concentrate, regressive behaviors like nail biting or thumb sucking.

Be honest with your children about the pandemic and how it is impacting the family. Let them know you are available to hear their feelings and thoughts and that you too are making work adjustments and other adjustments to cope with the pandemic.

Let your child know he or she is safe and the reason school is closed is to keep safe.

Limit your child’s exposure to media and news this is vital during the COVID 19 pandemic and is essential for a healthy balanced child or teen no matter what is going on in the world.

Have your child or teen come up with a schedule for school work, online tests, online work daily. Have your child and teen have some power over the schedule and include: chores, school, exercise, sleep time, and eating dinner together. Schedule time for one on one activities be it playing a board game, uno card game, word search game, taking a walk together, sitting in their room and listening to your child’s thoughts and feelings is vital.

Model positive behaviors like managing feelings and thoughts . Expressing self in a healthy manner w a balanced tone . Show your children the importance of eating healthy daily as well as obtaining adequate sleep each day.

Validate your child’s thoughts and feelings and listen to them without problem solving. Just hear them out. Take time to show them how to be positive and hopeful, and grateful by your words and actions.

Take time each day to show compassion to your child and show you understand they are going through a difficult time and that you know it is painful and challenging and unfair and sad and frustrating. Also let them know that this COVID 19 will not last forever and shops will reopen and Disneyland and their favorite eateries and most of the activities they loved will be available again.

www.lifeworksaz.com has expertise working with children, teens, adults, and families for over 15 years. You can read over 3,000 article blogs as well as over 60 testimonials from parents, and adults , and professionals that have worked with him for many years in : Phoenix, Paradise Valley, Scottsdale, Cave Creek, and other parts of Arizona.